- “Yes. This hazmat suit is necessary.” (said to confused principal)
- “I don’t care that the hazmat suit is scaring you.” (said to kids)
- “Stop. Hands up. Now twirl!” (said to first kid who enters classroom, who will then be sprayed head to toe in Lysol)
- “Next! Stop and twirl!” (said to each successive kid)
- “Wear this.” (said to each kid, while handing them a SARS mask, a fanny pack of hand sanitizer, and a pin that says “BEWARE– I’m disgusting.”)
- “GO HOMMMMMMMMME!” (said to any kid who sniffles, coughs, or looks even remotely gross. So all of them.)
- “Throw that out, immediately.” (referring to kid’s shirt, after he wipes his nose on it)
- “Cut that off, now!” (referring to kid’s arm, after he wipes his nose on it)
- “Are you SERIOUS?” (referring to kid who wipes his nose on the classroom rug because I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN)
- “How is this my life?!” (said to God, over and over)
- <silence> (God, ignoring me. Plotting my next illness.)
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