Tag Archives: lysol

Things I Will Say At Work Tomorrow


  • “Yes. This hazmat suit is necessary.” (said to confused principal)
  • “I don’t care that the hazmat suit is scaring you.” (said to kids)
  • “Stop. Hands up. Now twirl!” (said to first kid who enters classroom, who will then be sprayed head to toe in Lysol)
  • “Next! Stop and twirl!” (said to each successive kid)
  • “Wear this.” (said to each kid, while handing them a SARS mask, a fanny pack of hand sanitizer, and a pin that says “BEWARE– I’m disgusting.”)
  • “GO HOMMMMMMMMME!” (said to any kid who sniffles, coughs, or looks even remotely gross. So all of them.)
  • “Throw that out, immediately.” (referring to kid’s shirt, after he wipes his nose on it)
  • “Cut that off, now!” (referring to kid’s arm, after he wipes his nose on it)
  • “Are you SERIOUS?” (referring to kid who wipes┬áhis nose on the classroom rug because I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN)
  • “How is this my life?!” (said to God, over and over)
  • <silence> (God, ignoring me. Plotting my next illness.)