Category Archives: Kids/Teaching

The Grinch Who Stole Childhood

City Living, Kids/Teaching, Mental Health, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I really need some reassurance here because I totally feel like the Grinch who stole childhood. But this was justified, right?

Background: kid across the hall constantly plays soccer in the hallway. Literally uses people’s apartment doors as goals. Now that the weather is getting colder, these indoor soccer sessions are increasing, and lasting for hours. No, I have no idea why he isn’t in school. He’s at least 11 years old.

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So parents out there, it’s ok that I went and ruined this kid’s fun, correct? I’m not a mean old cranky neighbor lady, right? It was justified, don’t you think?*

*In case the leading questions didn’t make this obvious, I am seeking agreement responses only. This is not a situation where I am interested in diverse opinions. Solely looking to avoid guilt tears as I sit here typing common-sore aligned math problems beneath the glow of my therapy lamp.

 

Forget Everything I Said

Kids/Teaching, , , ,

Helping a middle schooler edit her essay on the book The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian (which I have never read)….

Kid: “Ok, so, I have a serious question for you, and I need your opinion as a teacher.”
Me: “Go for it.”
Kid: “So there’s a part of the essay where I’m explaining the main character’s reaction to a really upsetting event, but I’m afraid to quote the event, because it’s like REALLY bad. Do teachers care if you quote bad language?”
Me: “Well, honestly, if the book was assigned by your teacher, then he knows about the language. And if using that specific quote truly helps to verify your argument, then you are absolutely allowed to do so.”
Kid: “But it’s like REALLY bad. Like the teacher might get mad.”
Me: “Again, if you are quoting the book, and it makes sense in your argument, it’s perfectly fine.”
Kid: “You’re sure?”
Me: “Absolutely.”
Kid: “Promise?”
Me: “I promise.”
Kid: “SWEAR?”
Me (laughing): “I swear! I wouldn’t lie to you!”
Kid (opening the book): “Ok, it’s this part here.”

(I read the words “Did you know that Indians are living proof that niggers fuck buffalo?”)

Me: “Oh, ok. Nope. You can’t write that.”

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Furthermore– what the shit?! Who’s assigning this stuff to a MIDDLE SCHOOLER?!

The Best

Kids, Kids/Teaching, , ,

While assessing a Kindergartener’s math skills, I pull out some images of analog and digital clocks.

Kid: “Oh my gosh don’t even ask me this, I am an EXPERT on clocks. I know everything. I know the most about clocks.”

Me: “Ok, great! But let’s just double check.” <show a digital clock that says 7:30>

Kid: “Seventy-three o’clock.” (leans back, crosses arms, nods smugly) “I told you I’m the best at clocks.”

So…no, Trump Jr. You are very very bad at clocks.

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:-/

Kids/Teaching, Uncategorized

Kid: “Why should I even learn this? Donald Trump doesn’t know ANYTHING and he gets to be president! So the less I know, the more successful I’ll be!”
Me (heart breaking, eyes welling up): “Oh, kiddo.  Please tell me you don’t actually believe that. Please, please tell me you know that’s not true.”
Kid: “Hahahah nah! My Dad just told me to say that to you to freak you out. You should see your face right now!”

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No. No you are not.

Kids/Teaching, Random Thoughts/Happenings, , , , ,

Kid: “Who are you voting for?”
Me: “I’m not sure I can say. But I can tell you that I am voting for the candidate who, in my opinion, is the most qualified person, is a decent human being, and will promote kindness and unity in this country rather than hatefully dividing us.”
Kid: “So…Hillary Clinton.”

<silence>

Kid: “I’m not an idiot.”

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Right Now, Please

Kids/Teaching, , , , , , ,

The exasperating thing about tutoring young children for a living is that I now have an extensive collection of games and toys for teaching, and they all come with lots of parts and gadgets, so I constantly find myself having to say, “Ok, it’s time to refocus, please stop fiddling with the toys now. Right now, please.”

And then Eric puts down the toy and I can finally place it in my work bag.

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