Category Archives: Random Thoughts/Happenings

Only Your Best Friend

The kind of convo you’d only have with your best friend….

Best friend: “Your ring! Oh my god! Give me your hand right now (grabs my hand)– let me look closer. How many carats is that?!”
Me: “I don’t know…”
Best friend: “You don’t KNOW?! Oh, honey, you better find out. Who doesn’t know how many carats their ring is?!”
Me: “I don’t know…it’s his grandmother’s diamond, I’m not even sure he knows…”
Best friend: “Oh he KNOWS. Trust me. You go home tonight and you ask him.”
Me: “I’m not really concerned with that kind of stuff…”
Best friend: “Well, you’re wearing the ring so GET concerned, honey.”

Only this wasn’t my best friend. This was a random lady who lives in my building. Who I met ONCE.

This is why I don’t talk to people.

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Be Afraid

Brain surgeon, pre-surgery, holding a drill to your skull:  “Why, no. No I did not attend my training. No, I am not fully aware of the specific, acute challenges I might face once I get in there. But I’m a smart guy. I’ll figure this out. I don’t need to be told what to do.”

If that scenario alarms you– and IT FUCKING SHOULD– so should Trump’s attitude toward intelligence briefings.

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This is Why I Work From Home

Sitting at a Starbucks communal table reviewing some math work. A random guy is sitting next to me and eyeing my papers.

Guy: “Looks like some tough math. I don’t know how to do any of that stuff!”

Me: “I know, right? 8th grade math is no joke!”

Guy: “You’re in 8th grade? Really? I assumed high school, like maybe a senior!”

Me: (Confused stare. Not sure if he’s serious. Realzing he is.)

Guy: “Jeez. Should you be sitting here doing homework all alone? Where are your parents?”

Me: “I tutor an 8th grader. That’s what the papers are for.”

Guy: “Oh.”

Me: “I am 34 years old.”

Guy: “Ah.”

<silence>

Guy: “Well this is embarrassing.”

On so many levels.

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