Eric: “What is that?!”
Me: “A clay facial mask.”
Eric: “What does it do?”
Me: “It takes out impurities.”
Eric: “Like…your Judaism?”
Eric: “Oh god….what IS that?”
Me: “The reason I had to make you fall in love with me before winter.”
I slathered half a jar of vaseline on my face.

Sitting here in the dermatologist waiting room, there is a teenage boy with severe acne, looking pretty sad.
I wanted to lean over to him and whisper, “Don’t worry, it gets better,” but then I remembered that I’m here to get my moles checked for cancer.
So it doesn’t really get better…it just gets…deadlier?
I’m going to stay quiet.