(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 18, and part of the Ebola Mom series)
Three things, Nanc:
1. I’m going to go ahead and NOT accept your apology.
2. Why would you admit that? WHY?! There is no logical reason to admit that. Would you like ME to admit that I think you’re an assclown? No. That benefits no one. So I’ll keep that information between me and the Internet, where it belongs.
3. Your nanny has been framing me since day one.
Kid (resisting doing her work, as usual): “My dad said my grades aren’t even really important. All I need in life is my personality.”
Dad is absolutely correct.
Well, not your personality.
A winning personality.
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
I’m less concerned about the fact that my cell number was passed along without my permission than I am about the fact that someone has chosen to be good friends with Ebola Mom.
Also– 13 YEAR OLD BOY?! No. My misery quota for this season has been filled.
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Sorry for the typo? Or for being an asshole? Please clarify before I respond.
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Also, wtf is a book job, Nanc?
You know what, forget it. I don’t even care.
Kid: “Someone wrote ‘blowjob’ on a clipboard in school today.”
Me (deer in headlights): “What?! Oh my…”
Kid: “My teacher was SO mad.”
Me: “I’ll bet she was. Did she find out who did it?”
Kid: “No. So she just yelled at the whole class.”
Me: “Yikes…what did she say?” (I had to know)
Kid: “She was like ‘clipboards are for school work, not for writing about your day at the hair salon!'”
Me: “Umm…what?”
Kid: “Like you can write about Colonial America or fractions but not about your blowjob at the hair salon!”
Me (slowly getting it): “Right…yes…when you get your hair BLOWN OUT at the hair salon…of course…”
Kid: “Yeah.”
(long pause, starts to take out her homework)
Kid: “My mom LOVES getting blowjobs.”
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Tutoring Ebola Mom’s kid…
Kid: “We went to Vermont over break.”
Me: “Oh, how lovely!”
Kid: “Yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t bring you back anything.”
Me: “Don’t be silly, you don’t need to get me anything!”
Kid: “Yeah that’s what my mom said.”
Me: “Oh did she?”
Kid: “Yeah. Because, like…you’re not my REAL teacher.”
Me: “Ah. Ok…”
Kid: “And she pays you enough as it is.”
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