Zack: “Dude. I haven’t showered since…”
(Long pause. Literally a 30-second, dead silent pause while he tries to figure it out)
Zack: “I don’t even know.”
Category Archives: Family
Sip N See
The whole family came home to Maryland this weekend so my parents could throw a “Sip N See” for their friends.
What the hell is a Sip N See, you ask?
See my edited version of invitation below.
Best Guy I’ve Ever Slept With
Apparently, when the whole family goes home to Maryland for the weekend, aunthood comes with a roommate.
Ok, fine. Secretly I’m thrilled.
But this shit is NOT happening on family vacay in the Outer Banks.
The Best Solution
Later today I will be squished in the backseat of a small car with my brother and likely-to-be-cranky baby nephew for what I’m sure will be at least a 7-hour drive down to Maryland.
Luckily, I have some Ambien.
To crush up and put in the baby’s bottle.
#aunthood
The Worst Kind of Kid
Kid (complaining): “Why is my photo on the classroom door in black and white and everyone else’s is in color?”
Me: “Because you missed the entire first week of school when we took the photos, so we had to print yours on the classroom printer instead of CVS. Remember that? When you missed the whole first week, because mom thought it was more important for you to be on vacation than to be in school learning? And you came back and had no idea what to do, and we had to take the time to re-explain every single thing you missed?”
Kid (head down): “Yeah…”
As a child, I missed the entire first week of school every single year, K through 8th grade, to vacation with my family in the Outer Banks.
It was fucking awesome.
Mother Knows Best
Mom: “I figure you like this guy, since you haven’t written too much about him.”
Me: “Yeah, well. I’m trying not to be a weirdo.”
Mom: “Good idea.”
Opposite….Is Opposite
Guy: “I just assumed you and your sister had the exact same personality.”
And then I laughed so hard, I cried.
Two things Steph would never do.
That Time Steph Cared
A few days ago, out of nowhere, Steph texted the sibling group chat (never something she does unless it’s to share pictures of our porkpie nephew), proactively expressing a degree of interest/care over something happening in our lives.
Here was the reaction:
Then, hours later (fittingly)….
I’m pretty sure this post will ensure it never happens again.
The Best
Thanks to all of you who came out to support mental health awareness at the Active Minds Casino Night last night. It was an amazing event for an incredibly important cause.
But I have to say, the very best part of the night was watching my parents leave hand in hand.
I have the best family.
Payback’s a Bitch
My nephew, figuring out how to blog so that he can get Auntie Em back for all her baby-shaming posts.
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