Tag Archives: aunthood

I’ll Keep That in Mind, Person With Zero Life Experience

Kid: “How old is your son?”

Me: “Huh? I don’t have a son.”

Kid: “Oh, then who is that kid on your phone’s lock screen?”

Me: “Ooooooh, that’s my nephew!”

Kid: “Oh. So you don’t have any kids?”

Me: “No.”

Kid: “But you just got married, right?”

Me: “Correct.”

Kid: “Then shouldn’t your lock screen be a picture of your husband?”

Me: “Is that a rule?”

Kid: “Well, I just think, like, it should be THE most important person to you. And that person should be your husband, if you don’t have kids. I’m just saying.”

Well aren’t we judgy at 9 years old.


I Love Babysitting

My sister and brother in law have a bar mitzvah on Long Island, so tonight’s the night Eric and I lube up the baby and watch him crawl across the hardwood floors, an opportunity we missed during Lubegate and have regretted ever since.

If that goes well (how could it not?), we will break out hockey sticks and use the baby as a puck.

We will then stick him in a huge steam pot with pasta, dump red sauce on him, sprinkle him with parmesan, take a photo, and advertise him on craigslist as a gourmet spaghetti-and-meatball dinner for 10.

And to think I don’t even charge Steph and Andrew for my services.