Category Archives: Friends

My Married Mom Friends Are Adorable But Useless

Last night at dinner with one of my dearest friends (who is a married, mom-of-two-kids) I asked for her opinion on the below text, as I feel like I’ve completely lost perspective and can no longer tell when a guy is being genuine or a douche. 



Her takeaway: “Who is Drake? And what’s yolo?”



Lunch

I was only supposed to be in Florida through this morning, but because of a flight cancellation, my trip is now extended through tomorrow. My gracious hosts weren’t planning on having me here for today, and they had to go into work. They were VERY concerned about what I was going to do for lunch, which was sweet, but come on guys, I’m 32 years old, I’m pretty sure I know how to fix myself a meal.

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To be clear, the apple is decorative.

I’ve Seen This Face Before

Here in Florida, visiting several people’s babies. As is common with all babies meeting me for the first time, one of the first things one of these babies did was grab my boobs, presumably looking for milk. I apologized, telling him that, unfortunately, there is nothing exciting happening under this shirt. Unconvinced and determined, he then stuck his hand down my shirt, and slipped it right under my bra. Much to his dissapotnmet, still nothing. He looked crestfallen.

This must be exactly how the men in my life have felt.

My Friends Know Exactly What to Say

After posting Always Judge a Book By Its Cover, I naturally became curious about the fate of that guy and did a little googling. I was surprised to learn that he is now married (God bless her soul) with two kids (and theirs). I expressed my surprise to my friend Adam, who knew just what to say to prevent me from going down the “how come THIS guy has it together and I’m on an app called J-swipe” path.

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Every. Single. Time.

I have a male friend who, every single time I get mad, annoyed, frustrated, or start acting even the slightest bit irrational, says “Ok, somebody has her period….”

And when he makes sexist, pig-headed, misogynistic statements like this, it never fails to exacerbate my frustration/anger/irrationality/annoyance even more.

Because I hate it when he’s right.
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