(Part of the Ebola Mom Series)
It seems Ebola Mom’s peace-offering plan was foiled. But the important thing is, she has her priorities straight:
Category Archives: Kids/Teaching
Well Now I’m CERTAINLY Not Worried
Kid: “Are you worried about being so old and not being married?”
Me: “Oh, um. No. First of all, I don’t think I’m ‘so old.'”
Kid: “32 is pretty old.”
Me: “I disagree.”
Kid: “It’s like THREE TIMES my age!”
Me: “I regret teaching you multiplication.”
Kid: “So are you worried?”
Me: “No. I’m not worried. I’m fine with my age and I’m fine with not being married.”
Kid: “Oh ok good. I’ll tell my mom not to worry then.”
Me: “She’s worried? About me?”
Kid: “Yeah. She said when SHE was your age, I was already born!”
Right. And you’re a gem.
I Should DEFINITELY Go Shopping
(Continuation of Maybe I Should Go Shopping)
Just now, tutoring…
Kid: “Oh my GOSH— you’re wearing the green sweater AGAIN!!!”
Me: “I know, I did that on purpose. Just to see what you’d say.”
Kid: “Oh ok. You’re silly.”
Me: “I know.”
I did not do it on purpose.
9-Year-Olds Aren’t Great at Inferencing
In a lesson about characters’ actions in books, I thought I’d challenge the kids and mix it up a little by looking at the lyrics to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.”
Me: “It says the she is living in a lonely world, and ‘took a midnight train going anywhere.’ Think deeply about this. What do you think this says about the character?”
Kid: “She is REALLY careless.”
I tried.
The More You Know
I just spent 10 minutes explaining the difference between “backwards” and “inside out.” Because if these kids fuck up the pajama-and-underwear-inside-out ritual tonight and screw us out of a snow day tomorrow, I’m going to be pissed.
#itsinyourhandsnowkids
#dontblowit
My Avoidance Tactics Aren’t Fooling This 9-Year-Old
Kid: “Miss Emily, what’s inside a black hole?”
Me: “You know who knows a lot about black holes? My brother. He was an environmental studies major and is just generally obsessed with the idea of space and the universe.”
Kid: “Ok, well he’s not here, so can you just tell me?”
Me: “Well…”
Kid: “You don’t know the answer, do you?”
Me: “No I do not.”
Kid: “Ok. Next time you can just say that.”
Me: “Noted.”
Kid: “Also, maybe your BROTHER should be a teacher. It sounds like he knows things.”
Ebola Mom, Part 7
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 6)
Looks like Ebola Mom is having some morning-after regrets.
How she landed that level-headed Ebola Dad, I’ll never know.
Getting the Job Done
Yesterday around noon, I developed a somewhat debilitating headache. The pain was so bad that I considered canceling my after-school tutoring sessions. But, despite the fact that I was squeezing my head between my hands and barely able to move my neck, I thought to myself, “Just make it through this, and you’ll have $300 cash in your pocket.”
And then I thought, “Oh god, this is exactly what hookers say to themselves.” And that was extremely unsettling.
Because come on, Emily– if hookers can do it, surely so can you!
#positiveselftalk
Ebola Mom, Part 6
(Continuation of Ebola Mom Part 5, and part of the Ebola Mom series: Ebola Mom Part 1, Ebola Mom Part 2, Ebola Mom Part 3 , Ebola Mom Part 4 , and Ebola Dad )
Good idea, Nanc. Probably the one you should have come up with 10 texts ago, before things got weird.
Ebola Mom, Part 5
(For background on this character, please see Ebola Mom Part 1 , Ebola Mom Part 2 , Ebola Mom Part 3 , Ebola Mom Part 4 and Ebola Dad)
This woman never disappoints. Right before I show up to her apartment to tutor her daughter at 3:15, she texts me:
She then asked if I could take her daughter with me to my next client. (I’m not posting that text because in it she uses her daughter’s name, and I try to protect the innocent children). Again, in case you missed how ABSURD this is– SHE ASKED ME TO BRING HER CHILD TO MY NEXT CLIENT’S APARTMENT. No, she does not know my next client.
Um, not mistake your tutor for a babysitter? Plan ahead? Not be THE WORST? So many options, lady.
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