Sassy: “You have date this week?”
Me: “Yes, on Tuesday.”
Sassy: “Then you get eyebrow wax today.”
Me: “No thank you.”
Sassy: <shrugs>
(long silent pause as she files my nails)
Sassy: “No wax is big mistake.”
Tag Archives: dating
This Guy Who Missed The Memo
The N-word in your very first text– keepin it classy, Brian!
(Context: There was a photo in his profile of him with Bob Dole, clearly taken years ago)
Yes. Brian is white. (And on behalf of white people everywhere, I would just like to thank him for the good PR.)
What Straight Guys Do
Walking down the street, the guy next to me and I happen to awkwardly be keeping the same exact pace for almost a block.
Guy: “Hi there! We might as well interact if we’re going to stroll next to each other.”
Me: (laughing) “Guess so!”
Guy: “Wow– you have really pretty eyes.”
Me: (blushing) “Aw, thank you…”
Guy: “Don’t worry, I’m gay.”
Me: “Oh! I wasn’t worried…”
Guy: “Well, you know how straight guys are always pulling that shit…”
No. I don’t.
Straight guys don’t just randomly tell me I have pretty eyes. That would be lovely.
What straight guys do is compare me to their mother or ask me to sit on their face.
Why, yes. Yes I WOULD be interested.
I Just Crossed Paths With This Really Hot Guy
But I missed it because I was staring at this app telling me who I’m crossing paths with as I stare at this app.
Seems like just looking up might be easier.
That Moment After a First Date When You Realize He Only Said “Let’s Do This Again” To Be Polite
Except instead of a home-cooked meal on the table, it’s take-out chinese on the table. And instead of two glasses on the table, it’s one glass on the table. But it’s not really a glass on the table, it’s a solo cup filled with wine on the table. And it’s not a table. It’s a foot stool.
This is New York, guys.
The Dangers of Dating While Drunk
That moment when you’re texting with the guy you went out with last week, and he keeps referencing things you talked about, but you don’t remember any of them because you were WAY too drunk.
and then….
The Little Things
Sometimes you have to find the little things in life to be grateful for.
Like the fact that I made it to age 33 having never encountered the term “little balloon knot.”
Or the fact that 15 minutes was spent sitting with my professional, educated colleagues debating the meaning of this term.
(For those of you wondering*, it’s an asshole)
*Mom and Dad
This Quick Guy
He’s not the first to suggest my baby nephew has a WASPy name, but he gets points for best delivery.
I’m So Confused
Guys, this really weird thing happened where I went on a date last night, had a nice time, and then I heard from him TODAY. Not a week later, not EXACTLY 3 days later, not by accident because he meant to text a different Emily, not the next time he was drunk/stoned/watching porn. The NEXT day. Sober. While the sun was still up.
What do you think that means?
Oh, that he’s a mature 30-something male in Manhattan?
Well. This is new.
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