It’s only “teaching to the test” if you call it “teaching to the test.” If you call it “Test Prep Academy,” it’s best practice.
I’m glad my superiors explained this to me slowly and carefully while swinging a pocket watch and chanting the mantra “we do not teach to the test,” because when I first saw the schedule for the next two months I was starting to wonder why I became a teacher.
But “Test Prep Academy” sounds super fun, guys!!! Can we all wear fatigues?!
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Your nanny’s a liar. And you can shove your cookies up your gloves.
Kid: “My mom is a psychologist.”
Me: “I know! That’s a really important job.”
Kid: “Yeah. But it’s annoying sometimes.”
Me: “Why is that?”
Kid: “Because, like, her patients always need her. Like last night we were playing together and then one of her patients called and she had to listen to her for like TWO HOURS while she went on and on and on about her feelings. And I’m just like ‘who is this person who has to talk about her feelings THIS much?!'”
It was probably me.
During my walk to work this morning, I watched two brothers trotting along to school. One was young, pre-k aged, and the other looked about 4th grade age (the grade I now teach). The older brother was juggling a chapter book while jotting in a journal, in what I assume was a last-minute attempt to finish his homework. He looked stressed. The younger kid, meanwhile, spotted a bug on the sidewalk and went APESHIT with excitement. And I couldn’t help but think, as I watched this, how much I miss teaching Kindergarten– that carefree, blissful age when simply finding a bug on the ground can elicit that much enthusiasm, wonderment and joy.
Then he ate the bug.
#fourthgradeforever
(Part of the Ebola Mom Series)
It seems Ebola Mom’s peace-offering plan was foiled. But the important thing is, she has her priorities straight:
Kid: “Are you worried about being so old and not being married?”
Me: “Oh, um. No. First of all, I don’t think I’m ‘so old.'”
Kid: “32 is pretty old.”
Me: “I disagree.”
Kid: “It’s like THREE TIMES my age!”
Me: “I regret teaching you multiplication.”
Kid: “So are you worried?”
Me: “No. I’m not worried. I’m fine with my age and I’m fine with not being married.”
Kid: “Oh ok good. I’ll tell my mom not to worry then.”
Me: “She’s worried? About me?”
Kid: “Yeah. She said when SHE was your age, I was already born!”
Right. And you’re a gem.
(Continuation of Maybe I Should Go Shopping)
Just now, tutoring…
Kid: “Oh my GOSH— you’re wearing the green sweater AGAIN!!!”
Me: “I know, I did that on purpose. Just to see what you’d say.”
Kid: “Oh ok. You’re silly.”
Me: “I know.”
I did not do it on purpose.
In a lesson about characters’ actions in books, I thought I’d challenge the kids and mix it up a little by looking at the lyrics to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.”
Me: “It says the she is living in a lonely world, and ‘took a midnight train going anywhere.’ Think deeply about this. What do you think this says about the character?”
Kid: “She is REALLY careless.”
I tried.
I just spent 10 minutes explaining the difference between “backwards” and “inside out.” Because if these kids fuck up the pajama-and-underwear-inside-out ritual tonight and screw us out of a snow day tomorrow, I’m going to be pissed.
#itsinyourhandsnowkids
#dontblowit
Kid: “Miss Emily, what’s inside a black hole?”
Me: “You know who knows a lot about black holes? My brother. He was an environmental studies major and is just generally obsessed with the idea of space and the universe.”
Kid: “Ok, well he’s not here, so can you just tell me?”
Me: “Well…”
Kid: “You don’t know the answer, do you?”
Me: “No I do not.”
Kid: “Ok. Next time you can just say that.”
Me: “Noted.”
Kid: “Also, maybe your BROTHER should be a teacher. It sounds like he knows things.”
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