“I didn’t feel like it.”
— Kid, when asked why he didn’t come to school on time.
Tag Archives: teacher problems
Hindsight is 20/20
Being a Special Education teacher is a great profession for me because, given that I have ADD and anxiety, and given how that affected my own school experience, I can totally relate to how these kids are feeling, and can therefore be super patient and supportive.
….is what I thought when I got into this profession.
What actually happened is that I signed up to work in a hot, dirty classroom full of 30 kids who represent everything I hate about myself.
This is less a recipe for patience than it is a recipe for pulling my hair out strand by srand, finding the nearest table, crawling under it, and rocking back and forth in the fetal postion.
Good intentions, though.
95 Degrees Tomorrow
Us (to the school custodian): “Will the AC be fixed tomorrow?! It’s going to be 95 degrees! We’re suffering in here and it’s only in the 80s today!”
Custodian: “You have FOUR DAYS left.”
Us: “But it’s so hot on the 5th floor! The heat rises! We can’t breathe!”
Custodian: “Not even 4 days! 3 and a half days! That’s IT. I’m here ALL SUMMER.”
Good. Someone to find my remains.
#wemightdieinhere
Just Based On Your Looks, Part 2
(Continuation of Just Based on Your Looks )
So last week, a kid told me that physically, I resemble a Siberian cat. She wasn’t sure which animal represented my personality, but she thought about it (a LOT) over the weekend and finally decided:
Sperm whale.
I shit you not. She decided I am a sperm whale.
I asked her why, and she gave me an entire dissertation. Literally a 10-15 point list. I asked her to please write it down because at a certain point, I was unable to follow what the hell she was saying.
I did manage, however, to process and remember her #1 reason: “Sperm whales are very intelligent animals that hang around the bottom of the ocean with the least intelligent of species.”
I’m assuming this is a dig at my co-teacher. Not because she’s not intelligent, but because that would be fucking hilarious.
Pretty much all the other reasons began with the sentence, “Well, don’t be offended by this, but…”
That’s when I stopped listening and told her to put it in writing.
To be continued.
Just Based On Your Looks
Kid: “Some people who believe in reincarnation make predictions about what a person will be in her next life, based on the animal she currently resembles.”
Me: “Interesting. So what will I be in my next life?”
Kid: “Hmmm…I’m thinking something in the feline family. Perhaps a siberian cat.”
Me: “What?!”
Kid: “Well, no, I mean…just based on your looks.”
Me: “Yeah no, I got that.”
Kid (shrugging): “Well, sorry. But it’s true. Based on personality would be a totally different animal though. But I’m not sure right now. Give me the weekend, I’ll think about it and let you know on Monday.”
Great. Can’t fucking wait.
They Noticed
So yesterday this happened and I was just kind of hoping the students forgot about it (as I like to think kids do when something extremely uncomfortable occurs). I convinced myself that the moment was much more awkward and memorable for me than it was for them, and that they probably didn’t even notice.
Yeah, well. They did.
Today we started writing an end-of-year school newspaper. Here’s what one kid is contributing to the Comics section (work still in progress). I’ve translated the kid’s writing in pink, in case you can’t read it.
So I think the moral here is, even 10-year-olds notice when you act like an awkward buffoon.
This is sure to do wonders for my social anxiety.
UGGGGGHHHHHHH
Me: “Why does the last month of school drag on foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr?!?!?!?”
And then, at some point between my trips to Israel, Michigan, and the Outer Banks this summer, someone punches me in the face.
Because I deserve it.
Throwing in the Towel
That moment when you’re reading a super awkward part in the class read-aloud about a boy and a girl at a middle school dance, and a kid calls out “Woo– nice flirting!”
So you just throw the book down, get up and leave.
Because you’re laughing so hard you’re crying.
The Worst Kind of Kid
Kid (complaining): “Why is my photo on the classroom door in black and white and everyone else’s is in color?”
Me: “Because you missed the entire first week of school when we took the photos, so we had to print yours on the classroom printer instead of CVS. Remember that? When you missed the whole first week, because mom thought it was more important for you to be on vacation than to be in school learning? And you came back and had no idea what to do, and we had to take the time to re-explain every single thing you missed?”
Kid (head down): “Yeah…”
As a child, I missed the entire first week of school every single year, K through 8th grade, to vacation with my family in the Outer Banks.
It was fucking awesome.
Last Night’s 4th Grade Band Performance
Kid (to my co teacher and me, as she exits the stage after the performance): “That was horrible!”
Us: “What?! Stop! Don’t say that! It was wonderful! You were great!”
It really was fucking awful.
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