Kid: “Wanna hear something REALLY REALLY cool?”
Me: “Yes!”
Kid: “Neil Armstrong smuggled mint lifesavers into his spacecraft.”
Tag Archives: teacher problems
Highlights of My Day
That moment when you figure out that two of your students have told you a very serious, very elaborate lie. And they think they’ve gotten away with it, so they’ve been secretly smiling at each other all day. And you’re literally counting the MILLIseconds until you get to bust them.
I need a life.
Look At Him Now!
Moments ago in CVS, I ran into a former student of mine who is now in 5th grade…
Me: “Hey there, kiddo!”
Kid: “Oh hi, Miss Emily! You know, it’s funny that I’m running into you because I was actually just thinking about how I behaved as your student in Kindergaretn, 1st, and 3rd grade, and boy was I a terror! I’m so sorry about that. Now that I’m in 5th grade and about to go to middle school, I realize that my behavior was very unfair to you, and to the other kids in the class. So I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate all the time and energy you took to get me through those years, and I promise all your hard work really paid off, because look at me now!”
Then I snapped out of my delusion and saw that rather than return my greeting, the kid had run away and hidden behind a rack of gum.
Seriously
Sitting down to tutor…
Me: “Sorry we have to do this on such a nice weekend day!”
Kid: “Oh, I don’t mind! I like when you come to tutor me on weekends.”
Me: “Really?”
Kid: “Yeah! I love getting the extra practice! I’m actually kind of sad the test will be over soon.”
Me: “Aww, well that’s a fabulous attitude to have!”
There’s something very wrong with you.
This Imbecile
Possibly too harsh a response but I am in NO mood this week, Brian.
Weirdly the conversation ended there.
The Truth About Blondes
Kid: “I have a question for you, since you’re a blonde.”
Me (terrified about where this is going): “Ok…”
Kid: “Do people look at you more because you’re a blonde?”
Me: “Not that I have noticed, no. Why do you ask?”
Kid: “Well, my friend is a blonde, and she says people look at her more because of it.”
Me: “Oh…well…that might be her perception. But that doesn’t make it a fact.”
Kid (taking a deep breath, turning bright red): “I’m talking specifically about boys. Like, BOYS look at her more.”
Me (smiling, but secretly wishing I still taught Kindergarten): “Yeah, kiddo. I had a feeling that’s what you meant.”
Kid: “So is it true? Do boys like blondes better? Because she said that’s something that like EVERYONE knows.”
Me: “Look, there are lots of silly things said about hair color, and many other physical features for that matter, but those are just generalizations and stereotypes. The truth is that everyone has different tastes, and different qualities, both physically and personality-wise, that they find attractive. It completely varies from person to person, and you should just focus on being proud of your own unique and wonderful traits, because I promise you that plenty of people– BOYS included– are going to notice them.”
Kid: “Ok, that makes me feel better.”
Yeah, well, it shouldn’t. I’m a dumb blonde. What the fuck do I know?
Racism. I think?
That moment when you have to tell an asian kid to stop making fun of other asian kids for being asian.
They didn’t cover this one in graduate school.
Mixed Emotions
Kid: “How old are you? You look late 20s.”
Me: “You’re my new favorite person!”
Kid: “How bout Miss [coteacher]? She looks younger than you.”
I hate you.
Not What I Was Craving
That moment when you’re proctoring a test in someone else’s classroom and you see a box that says “perishable, open upon arrival” and you get excited thinking it might be cookies, so you take a peek inside.
It’s a container of live crickets.
Professional Problems
Guys, what do YOU do when YOUR giant yellow Judy clock won’t fit inside your work bag?
What’s that? You don’t own a giant yellow Judy clock?
You actually worked really hard throughout your schooling and personal life so that “giant yellow Judy clock” would never be part of your professional vocabulary?
Cool.
Good for you.
But seriously what the fuck do I do about this clock.
Emily's Posts 