I have a pair of magic pants. I know, I know, you find that hard to believe– and for a while, I was pretty skeptical myself. But now, guys, I have proof.

My pants are magic because every winter, they shrink, and then every spring/summer, they expand again. It’s this neat little trick they’ve been playing on me for the past 5 years. And today, my magic pants took it to a whole new level. Instead of just shrinking and being uncomfortably tight, (their usual beginning-of-January-trick– my magic pants are nothing if not predictable) this year they decided to not even zip! It’s like they were saying “Hey, Em, I know you haven’t TRULY believed in our shrinking/expanding magic these past years– but look at us now! You can’t even zip us! NOW are you going to deny our powers?!”

And I’ll admit, I was still skeptical, because momma didn’t raise no fool. So I fought with the zipper. And wouldn’t you know it, just to prove their magic, not only did the pants not let me zip them, they made the zipper BREAK. Oh you silly magic pants. The games you play!

So now I’m a TRUE believer in your magic, Magic Pants. And the great thing about this is that I can just fold you right back up and take you out again in the spring. By that time, you will have expanded back to your normal size and re-grown your zipper. I’m confident that re-growing the zipper is part of your magic.

And you know what? Come springtime, I’ll even do that thing where I eat less nachos-and-hershey-nuggets dinners and generally remove myself from the ass-shaped crater in my couch more, because I feel like, for whatever reason, that makes you excited to do your magic expanding thing. It’s weird what sets you off.

Teamwork, Magic Pants. You and me.