“I don’t know how to tell you this but…I think your brother might be a lesbian.”
— Eric, listening to Jeremy’s playlist of folksy cover artists.
Category Archives: Family
It’s hard to vacation without the essentials
Sitting on the beach in complete and utter silence, reading our books. Then, out of nowhere…
Zack: “I really miss my bidet.”
(No response from any of us)
Zack: “Living without a bidet is fucking chaos. It’s so primitive.”
(Still no response)
Zack: “Might as well wipe my ass with a banana leaf.”
Uncle of the Year
The whole family is sitting on the couch drinking coffee, while Steph reads Is Your Mama a Llama to Tyler.
Steph (reading in her mommy voice): “‘Oh!’ I said. ‘You are right about that. I think that your mama sounds more like a……'”
(pauses to turn page)
Zack: “LIKE A WHORE!!!!!!”
Judging by the amount of activities and bro-ness happening on this OBX trip, it is very apparent that Eric is the best thing that ever happened to Andrew, Zack, and me.
In that order.
He’ll Learn
A couple hours into our Outer Banks vacation…
Eric: “Ok I’m going to go take a shower.”
Me: “Oooh enjoy that first outdoor shower, it’s the best!”
Eric: “Oh. I was just going to shower indoors.”
My entire family:
“How many blazers do I need?”
— Eric, still clearly not understanding what’s going to happen on this vacation.
“I can do that. That’s easy.”
Good thing we didn’t call Dexter. That would have been a supreme waste of time and money!
Eric went out and bought the wall anchors. Then Sunday came, and we had everyone over for dinner.
Zack (looking at the mirror): “Oh dude. That seems like a lot of work right now.”
The mirror has not been hung.
Aunthood
One day, my sister and brother-in-law are going to mistake my real ignorance for this sarcastic ignorance, and they’re going to give the ok and I’m going to go right on ahead and get their kid stoned.
Balls
“A ball! A ball! A ball!”
— My 1 year old nephew, while grabbing my stomach.
And when his hand moved to my boob, he stopped saying it.
What About Zack?
Discussing our upcoming family vacation to the Outer Banks….
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