There’s nothing funnier than when people awkwardly fall. I do it all the time. So when my friend’s baby just did it, I burst out laughing, because she looked like a total goof.
Then the kid started wailing, and both her parents sprung out of their chairs to comfort her.
I was still laughing.
It was really funny, guys.
She just like buckled and fell sideways. Out of nowhere.
She looked like a miniature demolished building.
Timber!!!
I guess you had to be there….
I can never have kids.
I’m in LA right now. And in typical me fashion, when I booked this trip last month, I put absolutely no thought into it. I just knew my seasonal affective disorder needed sun, so I just kind of bought a plane ticket after a few too many glasses of wine, and hoped some friends would house me once I got there.
I arrived yesterday to my dear friend’s Santa Monica beach house. She and her husband are going out of town on Wednesday, so I was only going to stay a few days, then hop over to two other friends’ places who graciously agreed to host me, even though it’s not terribly convenient for them right now. But now my friend and her husband are insisting I stay here while they’re out of town, and to invite any friends I want. So instead of dragging a suitcase to 3 different parts of LA, I’m going to stay in this gorgeous, beachside oasis and have my other friends come to me.
So the lesson here is that if you’re a total spontaneous, haphazard spaz who puts little to no thought into what you’re doing, you will constantly find yourself in the most ideal of situations.
Or something about maintaining lifelong relationships with totally amazing, generous, awesome people.
I don’t know I’m drunk.
Yesterday my L.A. friends took me to a “pressed juicery,” where I refused to purchase anything kale. Or anything juice, really. I don’t do juice. They INSISTED I get SOMETHING, and I didn’t want to be rude and close-minded. I craftily noticed, by the grace of god, that they had coffee on the menu, so I conceded to getting that (even though everyone knows, thanks to a meth-like addiction, I only drink Starbucks).
Just now…
Me: “I’ll have the coffee we got yesterday after I go for my morning run.”
Friend: “You mean the juice?”
Me: “No. I got a coffee.”
Friend: “Well, it’s a coffee-juice.”
WHAT.
Point New York.
LA 1, NYC 2
Yeah. Sounds great.
😳
That moment when your friend sheepishly asks you if you’d like to speak at her rehearsal dinner, and you accept the invitation as if you haven’t been collecting material/quotes/dirt/mortifying inside info since the day she started dating this guy.
Interestingly, the general FEMALE reaction to Last Night’s Date has been two enthusiastic thumbs up (the words “marry him or I will give up on life entirely” have been used in a not-at-all dramatic fashion), while the general MALE reaction has been wholly unimpressed.
I went to dinner with my friends Gabi and Adam last night. Gabi was intiaitlly not sure, but then decided she was on Team Prankster….Adam was wholeheartedly anti.
Then this morning I received an email from a friend in California, saying that everyone in LA (and by everyone, she pretty much just meant herself) was rooting for him. I forwarded this to Gabi and Adam to prove that people are on totally on Team Prankster. Adam stood firm.
Slow clap video referenced in email: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZHI88infeU
I was super excited to let my friend know that I received her wedding shower invitation, so I texted her a picture of it.
Oh.
Yes, I GOT THE FUCKING FLU SHOT.
I know this is a natural question to ask someone who has the flu, and I’m sure I’ve asked it a million times, but honestly, it comes off as slightly accusatory. Because what if my answer was no? Would your next line be, “Oh. Well then this is your own damn fault.”
Also, I thank you sincerely for checking in, and for all your well wishes. You guys are the BEST.
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