“I had an itch.”
— Kindergartener, when I walked into the bathroom and saw her standing in front of the sink with her pants completely removed.
Category Archives: Kids/Teaching
Nope, that’s just food.
“You’re not pregnant too, are you?”
— Parent, to me, after hearing that almost everyone on my grade team is pregnant.
Because, as everyone knows, pregnancy is contagious.
And a completely appropriate subject to broach with someone you don’t know well at all.
“Oh. I just meant, like, sign your name.”
— Kid, after I wrote a very personal, thoughtful paragraph when he asked me to sign his yearbook.
Maybe We Don’t Always Need to Teach Them to Speak Up
A former student enters my room, walks over to me, and sheepishly mumbles something…
Me: “Honey, I can’t hear a word you’re saying. Speak up!”
Kid: <steps closer and mumbles again>
Me: “I would love to help you but I cannot hear you! Louder!”
Kid: <more mumbling>
Me: “What?!”
Kid: “DO YOU HAVE A MAXI PAD?”
Oh. Shit.
He’s the Best Person To Complain To
Me (frustrated and annoyed): “This kid I’m tutoring is being extremely difficult and disrespectful. He is obsessed with talking about poop. OBSESSED. Finally I told him that if he doesn’t stop, I’m not going to tutor him anymore. And right after I said that, I took out a book and asked him to read the word ‘wanted.’ He looked at me, looked at the word, smiled and said ‘poop.’ I nearly lost it.”
(Long pause)
Eric: “I like him!”
Final June
(Part of the #june series)
“I hope you aren’t here to observe me. Because nothing good is happening in here.”
— me, to my assistant principal, when he walked into my room as my students were coloring and singing.
#finaljune
(Taking #june to a whole new level)
Ivy League
Kid: “Miss Emily, where did you go to college?”
Me: “University of Pennsylvania.”
Kid: “WOW! I bet that’s like one of the best colleges…”
Me (interrupting): “It is!”
Kid: “…in ALL of Pennsylvania!”
Maturity
Referring to a classroom activity…
Ok, so. NOT something boys grow out of.
Ok. I get it.
Kid (pointing to the messy bun piled on top of my head): “My mom wears her hair like that when she does laundry.”
Me: “Oh, perfect.”
Kid: “Or, like, if she’s staying in the house all day.”
Me: “Uh huh…”
Kid: “Really if she’s doing anything where other people won’t see her.”
Today, Junior
During a whole-group lesson about personification, writing a poem with the kids.
Us: “How can we personify the sound leaves make in the breeze?”
Kid (raises hand): <makes loud breathing noise>
Us: “Ok, but how might we say that in words?”
Kid: <makes breathing sound again>
Us: “Ok, but we are writing a poem, so we need WORDS.”
Kid: “Ok, hold on.”
Us: “WORDS.”
(Long Pause. Entire class waits.)
Kid: <makes breathing noise again>
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