So I added a bird to my usual bird’s nest.
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Category Archives: Kids/Teaching
I Regret Teaching You About The Importance of Honesty
Me: “Hey kiddo! Excited to see me?!”
Kid (shrugging shoulders): “I’m not sure.”
Ok then try lying. Jerk.
Kids, Please Don’t Go Home and Tell Mom What You Learned in School Today
“Miss Emily, the buttons on your shirt look like nipples!” — teaching assistant, age 60.
Yes. You read that correctly. A 60 year old said this. Not a kid. But she said it IN FRONT OF the kids.
So that was great.
But the most upsetting part is that now these poor kids think THAT’s where nipples are supposed to be.
What Happens When You Test Prep for 3 Months Instead of Teaching Content
Us (to students): “So remember before all the test prep began, when we were learning about our nation’s history? Who remembers the names of the 13 colonies?”
Kid (eager and with confidence): “CANADA!”
The kid totally knows how to fill out a bubble sheet, though.
He’ll be fine.
The Perfect Way to Celebrate
That glorious first day after state testing is done, when you show up to work and find out you’re being pulled from your classroom to give 4 make-up state tests.
This is a NO WHINING ZONE
Waiting for my drink at Starbucks, a woman and her young, exasperated-and-annoyed looking child stand next to me. And immediately, all I hear is whining. “It smells in here, my drink doesn’t taste good, I need more napkins, it’s too cold in here, what is TAKING so long?” And I’m just staring at the mom with my head in my hands.
So finally, thank GOD, she gets fed up, turns around, and yells “Oh my gosh, stop whining! This is a NO WHINING ZONE. It is NOT allowed.”
And she did. The mom stopped.
So thank you, kid. You must have a fantastic Kindergarten teacher.
The Final Straw
Me: “Make sure you are answering THE QUESTION BEING ASKED.”
Kid (extremely confident): “Oh, I did. I double checked. TRIPLE checked!”
The test question provided two fractions, one for the amount of purple marbles in a bag of 24, one for the amount of red marbles in a bag of 24. It then asked, “Are there more purple marbles or more red marbles in the bag?”
Kid’s answer: 1/4
And with that, testing season comes to a close.
Miss Emily, out.
Not Possible
Student: “Miss Emily, look! When I add 214 and 90, I get that the answer is still 214. But that’s not possible!”
Me: “You’re right. Not possible. So what do you think that means?”
Student (with a knowing smile): “There’s a typo on the test!”
And then I quit my job and never came back.
Ebola Mom, Part 25
(part of the Ebola Mom series)
Tutoring Ebola Mom’s kid…
Kid: “My mom tried to find you on Facebook but couldn’t.”
Me: “Oh. I don’t use Facebook.”
Kid: “You don’t?”
Me: “Nope. No Facebook. No Instagram. No Internet, really. At all. Ever.”
Perfect.
Me: “Hey, kiddo! How’d the test go?!”
Kid: “Yes.”
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