That jaw-dropping moment when that student who NEVER listens in class takes his multiple choice state test and miraculously beats the odds!
In that he got 3 right. Out of 25.
That’s pretty much statistically impossible, guys!
Category Archives: Kids/Teaching
That’s Exactly What This Situation Needs. A Pigeon.
That moment when you bang on the window with a pair of scissors during a state test to scare away the extremely distracting pigeon squawking outside, and the kids look at you like you’ve lost your fucking mind.
Because you have.
But goddamnit, if these kids are going to fail, they’re going to fail because of the test makers and absurd politics. Don’t take that away from me, pigeon.
When Kids Have a Secret
Kid: “Do they put bars on the windows at school so no one will jump out of them?”
Me: “Well, I think it’s more to prevent accidents, but yes, it would also prevent someone from jumping.”
Kid: “Yeah that’s like some of my mom’s patients [her mom is a psychiatrist]. But I can’t talk about that. I’m not allowed to.”
Me: “I totally understand.”
Kid: “Yeah. Like, I definitely can’t talk about the man who tried to jump out his window.”
Me: “Ok, then don’t.”
Kid: “He didn’t actually do it, though.”
Me: “Well I’m very glad to hear that.”
Kid: “Yeah.” (pause) “Or like the woman who drinks too much. I’m definitely not supposed to talk about her.”
Me: “Got it. Then let’s not talk about it.”
Kid: “Ok. Yeah, I can’t. It’s a secret.”
Me: “Understood.”
(long pause)
Kid: “She drinks wine in the morning.”
Ebola Mom, Part 24
A Simple “Yes” Would Have Sufficed
“It’s halfway out.” — Kid, when he requested to use the bathroom mid test and I asked if it’s an emergency.
Yup.
Certainly helps explain why one of my students had a panic attack mid-way through the first reading passage– meant for 6TH/7TH GRADERS.
When Teaching Is Rewarding
That rare, amazing moment in the middle of state testing season when you are reminded of why you love teaching.
Because for two whole months, you don’t have to do it.
Israel trip booked!
Cheryl Sounds Like a Complete Asshole
And given their steadfast dedication to such an inane task, I can only assume that Albert and Bernard are trying to get laid.
I never want to hear anything cool ever again
Kid: “Wanna hear something REALLY REALLY cool?”
Me: “Yes!”
Kid: “Neil Armstrong smuggled mint lifesavers into his spacecraft.”
Highlights of My Day
That moment when you figure out that two of your students have told you a very serious, very elaborate lie. And they think they’ve gotten away with it, so they’ve been secretly smiling at each other all day. And you’re literally counting the MILLIseconds until you get to bust them.
I need a life.
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