(loosely related to A Tired, Dehydrated People )
The sisters Lerman know how to spend a bright, sunny Saturday.
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Dear God No
My OB sent me to a hematologist, who I saw today, because I tested positive as a carrier of Factor 11 Deficiency, which means I could have an issue with blood clotting…
Hematologist: “So the reason we test your Factor 11 levels is because of the epidural. If you test below a certain level, it will not be safe for you to have an epidural when you give birth.”
Me: “Umm…so then what do I do?”
Hematologist: “Well. You just give birth.”
Me: 
Hematologist: “That was the end of the sentence. You just give birth. But, obviously, without the epidural.”
Me: 
Hematologist: “It’s perfectly fine. People give birth all the time without–”
Me: 
So yeah. I imagined the birth going something like this 
but apparently it’s going to be more along the lines of this:
May god have mercy on all our* souls.
*Eric’s
Day 13
Eric: “So, like…what are clouds?”
Me: 📖😒
Ok, so I didn’t do my research.
Me: “I hope we see a meekrat.”
Eric: “You mean a meerkat?!”
Oh. Yes…?
#isaypotato
This Pretty Much Sums It Up
Everyone’s Africa advice for Eric: “PLEASE do not get excited and pet the wildlife.”
Everyone’s Africa advice for me: “PLEASE do not get distracted/forget where you are/fall asleep/blog in the bush/pee on a lion’s den and get eaten by the wildlife.”
A fair assessment of both our personalities.
Understandable Concerns
“I will not pet the lions. I promise. Yes, I PROMISE. I promise!”
— Eric, in the airport before flight to Africa, on the phone with his mom.
He will, though.
Literally Every Conversation With Zack
This happens in person too, not just text. Every time.
Top Notch Security
“Congratulations, you’re white!”
— TSA agent, thus ending my Global Entry “interview,” which lasted 10 seconds and literally consisted of me sitting down, saying “Hello,” and her responding with that one line.
(Ok, maybe it was “Congratulations, you’ve been pre-approved!” But I heard what I heard.)
When Eric Tries To Liven Things Up With a New Pet Name
“Hey, what are ya doing over there, you sexy little caterpillar.”
The Husbands Had ONE Job
We threw Mom a surprise birthday party here in the Outer Banks. I took care of designing/ordering the t-shirts and wine glasses and creating/hosting a “Who Knows Mom Best” trivia game.
The one job I delegated was to buy a grocery store sheet cake. I told Andrew and Eric before they left– a sheet cake FROM THE GROCERY STORE. You know, the shitty kind with the plastic top over it. It’s old school and totally artificial and mom loves it because it reminds her of childhood.
Also please note how helpful Steph was during this exchange.
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