The dating site “Coffee Meets Bagel” just sent me my daily match. For those of you who don’t know how this dating site works (which likely means you are in a happy, committed relationship, and have been for a while, so go fuck yourself (keep reading my blog, though)), every day the app sends you a “bagel” (aka, a “match”) and you decide if you are going to “like” or “pass.”

After you “like” your bagel (yup, this is a phrase I say with a straight face these days) the app will ask you WHY you liked him, in what I assume is an attempt to gather more information abut “your type,” in order to send you more accurate matches each day.

Unfortunately, none of the choices provided matched my true reason for “liking” today’s bagel, so I had to provide my own response at the bottom.

I can’t wait to see who I get tomorrow, as honesty never backfires.