But I missed it because I was staring at this app telling me who I’m crossing paths with as I stare at this app.
Seems like just looking up might be easier.
Tag Archives: dating in nyc
That Moment After a First Date When You Realize He Only Said “Let’s Do This Again” To Be Polite
Except instead of a home-cooked meal on the table, it’s take-out chinese on the table. And instead of two glasses on the table, it’s one glass on the table. But it’s not really a glass on the table, it’s a solo cup filled with wine on the table. And it’s not a table. It’s a foot stool.
This is New York, guys.
The Dangers of Dating While Drunk
That moment when you’re texting with the guy you went out with last week, and he keeps referencing things you talked about, but you don’t remember any of them because you were WAY too drunk.
and then….
The Little Things
Sometimes you have to find the little things in life to be grateful for.
Like the fact that I made it to age 33 having never encountered the term “little balloon knot.”
Or the fact that 15 minutes was spent sitting with my professional, educated colleagues debating the meaning of this term.
(For those of you wondering*, it’s an asshole)
*Mom and Dad
I’m So Confused
Guys, this really weird thing happened where I went on a date last night, had a nice time, and then I heard from him TODAY. Not a week later, not EXACTLY 3 days later, not by accident because he meant to text a different Emily, not the next time he was drunk/stoned/watching porn. The NEXT day. Sober. While the sun was still up.
What do you think that means?
Oh, that he’s a mature 30-something male in Manhattan?
Well. This is new.
A Friendly, Informative Reminder to Married People
Yesterday, while recounting the absurd, insulting, and downright disgusting interactions I have had on dating apps, a married friend said to me “I just LOVE living vicariously through my single friends’ stories!”
Here’s the thing, married people. We know you don’t actually mean any harm by this. But when you say such things, this is what we single people hear:
“Your life, much like a horror movie, is entertainment for me.
Seriously, I wish I had a tub of popcorn and some snowcaps. Maybe a coke.
Also, much like a horror movie, I am grateful it is not MY life. (For real. Thank. GOD.)
In fact, MOST like a horror movie, afterwards it makes me appreciate the safe, comfortable life I do have.
What I’m saying, in case I wasn’t clear, is that your life is essentially a gory, terrifying Stephen King film.
I’m sorry you’re the aging star of it.
It’s fun for ME, though.”
Then you laugh maniacally, hop in your diamond car, and drive home to your house made of Godiva, where your white-tux-clad husband is waiting for you with champagne and a foot rub.
Guys Know Nothing
Him: “You have that natural look. Like, you’re pretty without makeup. That’s hard to pull off.”
Me: “I appreciate you saying that, but I’m not sure that’s accurate!”
Him: “It is. Trust me. Most girls show up to a first date wearing so much makeup. You barely have any on, and you look great. That’s really impressive.”
Me (coy smile, blushing): “Aw, well thank you.”
I was wearing a SHIT TON of makeup.
This Pervert
Oh. Real = sit on my face? Glad we cleared that up.
Last Night’s Date, Part 5
This Guy Who Did The Best He Could
Oh….no.
You’re still a young single guy with a cat. 
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