“It sounds like you were just really, really hot.”
— my therapist, when I told the dramatic tale of my “full blown panic attack” in the non-air-conditioned school library.
Alright I’ll admit that’s a possibility.
Tag Archives: depression
Perhaps THIS Will Help You Understand
“You know how you felt when you saw a white/gold dress and your friends all saw a blue/black dress and you just sat there thinking ‘holy shit, is everyone insane, or am I insane? This doesn’t make sense. What is happening?!’
That’s how I feel ALL THE FUCKING TIME. About EVERYTHING.”
— Me, when an incredibly stable friend asked what it’s like to have an anxiety disorder.
Social Media and the Suicide of Madison Holleran
Tragic, touching, and so SO important. Madison Holleran’s story reminds me of the importance of keeping it honest on social media. Yes, it’s tempting to post that life is fabulous (and it certainly can be at times) or to filter every photo (not that I’m ever going to stop that entirely), but let’s mix it up with a dose of reality as well.
That’s the true goal of this blog– sure, I like to entertain, but I mostly want to show that life is often hard, wholly imperfect, awkward, uncomfortable, and at times we’re going to feel terrible things and have dark, unsettling thoughts. And that’s ok. We’re all in this together. Humor and written expression is my outlet and defense against the demons, and if one person out there reads about my dips into depression, my irrational anxieties, my occasional struggles to get out of bed, my moments of discomfort in my own skin, and for even one second feels a little less alone or a little brighter about their own struggle, then my work here is done.
I wish Madison had had some more imperfect Instagram feeds to scroll through. Maybe then she would have known she’s not the only one.
Stigma Fighters Come in All Sizes
I was just walking the halls at school and came across this student-written poster outside a 5th grade classroom. They are in the midst of a “Social Issues” unit, and these are some of the topics that 10 year olds came up with during a brainstorming of ideas– issues that kids in 5TH GRADE think we need to be talking about and tackling.
I am blown away and touched to see that Suicide and Depression made this list. This is such a clear and positive sign that the conversation about mental health is changing for this next generation.
Kudos to the 5th grade teachers for displaying this and creating an environment for open and honest conversation about ALL issues, no matter the stigma attached.
Changing the Conversation About Mental Health
Incredible organization, incredible woman. Saving lives every day. I am so grateful to be involved with this cause and to call Alison a friend. Active Minds helped save me, and I am thrilled to see that the organization is getting the recognition and exposure it deserves for the incredible work they do.
Alison started this organization on her own, working out of her childhood bedroom to honor the life of her brother, Brian. Since then, Active Minds has grown and spread throughout the nation, bringing awareness to the mental health cause and providing resources and help for those who suffer.
And now a PSA airing on CBS!!! One more giant step towards #changingtheconversation about mental health. AWESOME STUFF!
Which is Worse
I’ve been feeling kind of off the past few weeks and haven’t really been able to pinpoint why. Then today I was standing behind two women in Starbucks, and one of them was listing all my symptoms.
Woman 1: “I just don’t feel myself at ALL. I’m exhausted all the time, my body is sore, I have a constant headache, I just feel slow and lethargic and all I want to do is sleep.”
And just as I’m about to tap her on the back and say “Hey, ME TOO! What do you think is wrong with us?!”, she turns around, and I see what the problem is.
Woman 2: “Well jesus you’re 8 months pregnant with twins, how do you THINK you’re going to feel?”
So the point here is that I am either 8 months pregnant with twins, or just a single, 33-year-old, definitely-not-pregnant (trust me) woman who’s been waking up every day lately FEELING like she’s 8 months pregnant with twins.
I am legitimately not sure which is worse.
I do know that when I am pregnant one day, I am royally fucked.
How You Know Nothing is Good
Therapist: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “What do you mean? I just said ‘Everything is good!'”
Therapist: “Right. You just walked in here saying ‘Everything is good.’ Over and over. I never even asked ‘How’s everything?’ In fact I hadn’t said a word.”
Me: “Oh.” (Long pause) “Yeah everything is bad.”
PMS
I’ve been told I’m dramatic when I have PMS. Not sure I believed that until my sister just sent me this photo, taken at the end of our family beach vacation this summer. She started a grocery list and told us to add anything we needed. My requests are at the bottom in black ink.
When Kids Have a Secret
Kid: “Do they put bars on the windows at school so no one will jump out of them?”
Me: “Well, I think it’s more to prevent accidents, but yes, it would also prevent someone from jumping.”
Kid: “Yeah that’s like some of my mom’s patients [her mom is a psychiatrist]. But I can’t talk about that. I’m not allowed to.”
Me: “I totally understand.”
Kid: “Yeah. Like, I definitely can’t talk about the man who tried to jump out his window.”
Me: “Ok, then don’t.”
Kid: “He didn’t actually do it, though.”
Me: “Well I’m very glad to hear that.”
Kid: “Yeah.” (pause) “Or like the woman who drinks too much. I’m definitely not supposed to talk about her.”
Me: “Got it. Then let’s not talk about it.”
Kid: “Ok. Yeah, I can’t. It’s a secret.”
Me: “Understood.”
(long pause)
Kid: “She drinks wine in the morning.”
You Should Go To This Event
Active Minds is an INCREDIBLE organization that is changing the conversation about mental health, preventing suicide, and SAVING LIVES (they helped save mine, as I describe in my post That Time When Nothing Was Funny).
They’re having a kick-ass Casino Night event in NYC on June 10th to raise money and awareness for the mental health cause. Fun, drinks, food, prizes, great crowd and LOCAL CELEBRITIES!*
*Local celebrities** = me
**term “local celebrity” open to interpretation***
***I feel like this is misleading. No celebrities will be there. I will be, though.
CLICK HERE FOR TICKETS AND TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ACTIVE MINDS!
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