Tag Archives: family
He Wanted Me To Have It
That moment when you snatch a stuffed animal right out of a baby’s hand so that you can use it as a pillow during your long car ride.
#aunthood
She IS Beautiful
“Oh such a pretty girl. Such a gorgeous girl. What a beautiful girl.”
— My grandma, over and over, while meeting her great grandchild for the first time today.
He’s a boy.
We went with it, though.
#FathersDay
Father’s Day is about appreciating everything our dads do for us.
So on this Father’s Day, we’re letting Dad take and treat 9 of us to brunch.
And we’ll appreciate it.
Uncle Zack: Role Model
Zack: “Dude. I haven’t showered since…”
(Long pause. Literally a 30-second, dead silent pause while he tries to figure it out)
Zack: “I don’t even know.”
Sip N See
The whole family came home to Maryland this weekend so my parents could throw a “Sip N See” for their friends.
What the hell is a Sip N See, you ask?
See my edited version of invitation below.
Best Guy I’ve Ever Slept With
Apparently, when the whole family goes home to Maryland for the weekend, aunthood comes with a roommate.
Ok, fine. Secretly I’m thrilled.
But this shit is NOT happening on family vacay in the Outer Banks.
The Best Solution
Later today I will be squished in the backseat of a small car with my brother and likely-to-be-cranky baby nephew for what I’m sure will be at least a 7-hour drive down to Maryland.
Luckily, I have some Ambien.
To crush up and put in the baby’s bottle.
#aunthood
The Worst Kind of Kid
Kid (complaining): “Why is my photo on the classroom door in black and white and everyone else’s is in color?”
Me: “Because you missed the entire first week of school when we took the photos, so we had to print yours on the classroom printer instead of CVS. Remember that? When you missed the whole first week, because mom thought it was more important for you to be on vacation than to be in school learning? And you came back and had no idea what to do, and we had to take the time to re-explain every single thing you missed?”
Kid (head down): “Yeah…”
As a child, I missed the entire first week of school every single year, K through 8th grade, to vacation with my family in the Outer Banks.
It was fucking awesome.
Mother Knows Best
Mom: “I figure you like this guy, since you haven’t written too much about him.”
Me: “Yeah, well. I’m trying not to be a weirdo.”
Mom: “Good idea.”
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