Another day, another half-dollar.
After taxes.
Tag Archives: teacher problems
We Don’t.
I would like to thank our super tan and relaxed-looking principal for reminding us at our after-school staff meeting today that “if you have the means, you should all REALLY take winter vacations as an opportunity to go somewhere warm and remote, like I just did.”
Yeah, we don’t.
We don’t have the means.
We’re teachers.
Now can we go write the report cards that you just informed us are due tomorrow?
Great.
Thanks.
The only people more miserable than teachers the last night of a school vacation are the significant others of teachers.
NOTHING YOU’RE SAYING IS HELPING!!!!!!
(I love you.)
Lesson Learned
The exact moment you get so fed up with work bullshit that you TRULY stop giving a fuck will be the exact moment your principal comes and observes a lesson that goes so scarily well, she asks if you paid your students to sound so intelligent and insightful.
What. Is. Happening?!?!
Yeah no this job still sucks.
Dear Society,
Please stop assuming that because I am a teacher of young children, I must want to play with/talk to your young child.
I do not.
Emily
He’ll Be Right Back!
Repairman: “Oh my god, it’s so hot in this classroom!
Us: “Yes sir it is! The heat goes too high and we can’t control it. Please help!”
Repairman (taking apart thermostat): “Oh, well here’s the problem! See these two tubes here? They are supposed to connect.”
Us: “Meaning…”
Repairman: “This is what regulates the heat. Without it, it just keeps blasting. Never goes lower or turns off. That’s why it’s so hot and stuffy in here.”
Us: “Great, well…that only took 3 years to figure out! Can you fix it?!”
Repairman: “Sure can. I’ll be right back!”
That was six weeks ago.
We never saw him again.
The Student Becomes the Teacher
After I posted Yes. That’s Exactly What the Beatles Were Going For., someone alerted me to the fact that the song “Blackbird” was, in fact, inspired by the civil rights movement. A quick google search during my lunch break confirmed this was true. So after lunch, I approached the kid.
Me: “So guess what? You know how this morning you said ‘Blackbird’ was about black people being free? And we said that was maybe a possibility, but that seemed a bit specific, and perhaps there was a larger theme of overcoming adversity and being brave? Well, it turns out you were exactly correct. Paul McCartney, who wrote the song, said that when he wrote the lyrics, he was inspired by the black women in the Civil Rights movement, who were fighting to be treated equally.”
Kid: “Yeah. I know.” (walks away)
Oh.
Ok.
Yes. That’s Exactly What The Beatles Were Going For.
Analyzing The Beatles’ song “Blackbird” with 4th graders…
Us (after listening to the whole song): “The lyrics repeat ‘blackbird fly’ over and over. What do you think this song might be about?”
Kid: “Freedom!”
Us (excited that for once, a kid is inching towards a non-literal interpretation…) “Ohhh, interesting! Explain!”
Kid: “BLACKbird. Like black people. Black people weren’t always free. So it’s saying black people should be free.”
Supplemental Income
My 8 years of teaching have provided me with a mountain of bullshit so high and steep, I’m considering building a chair lift and charging people to black-diamond ski down it.
The Plan
Therapist: “You’ve been saying for a while now that you might want a career change. It seems you haven’t felt very fulfilled at your current job.”
Me: “Right.”
Therapist: “And you said you were going to take some time, explore some options, talk to a few people, do some research, and come up with a plan.”
Me: “Right.”
Therapist: “So, you did that?”
Me: “Yes I did!”
Therapist: “And you have a plan?”
Me: “Yes, in fact I do!
Therapist: “I mean besides ‘get pregnant and quit.'”
Me: “Oh. Then no.”
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