Well this is a new low.
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We Don’t.
I would like to thank our super tan and relaxed-looking principal for reminding us at our after-school staff meeting today that “if you have the means, you should all REALLY take winter vacations as an opportunity to go somewhere warm and remote, like I just did.”
Yeah, we don’t.
We don’t have the means.
We’re teachers.
Now can we go write the report cards that you just informed us are due tomorrow?
Great.
Thanks.
The only people more miserable than teachers the last night of a school vacation are the significant others of teachers.
NOTHING YOU’RE SAYING IS HELPING!!!!!!
(I love you.)
Like My Men
The flushing handle on my toilet can be very temperamental. Eric got annoyed with it.
Eric: “Your toilet is so stupid!”
Me: “Yeah, well, I like my toilets how I like my men.”
Eric: “Built to handle all your shit?”
The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
I make no apologies.
How to Lose a Guy in (Roughly) 10 Texts, Part 2
How to Lose a Guy in (Roughly) 10 Texts
“Never get married. Your taxes will go through the roof.” –Eric’s accountant, to Eric.
So then I shot Eric’s accountant.
Valentine’s Day is Silly
Eric: (handing me a bouquet of roses): “Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Me: “Aw, thank you. This is so unnecessary! You know I don’t care at ALL about Valentine’s Day, I told you that. It’s such a dumb holiday.”
Eric: “K, then give me $20.”
Me (out loud): (laughs)
Me (internally): He only paid $20 for these?! On VALENTINES DAY?!
Before Coffee
Eric accuses me of being less than pleasant in the morning before coffee. This is valid. However, this morning is a perfect example of what I deal with every day.
Eric (after using my blow dryer to warm himself post-shower, setting it down on the top of the toilet, and it crashing to the floor, knocking down my makeup bag): “Hey, you know what?”
Me (frantically getting dressed and trying not to be late, after having squeezed in a 5-mile pre-work training run): “What?”
Eric: “Besides monkeys, humans are the only animals that have butts.”
Me: (no response. For obvious reasons.)
Eric: “Like…think about it.”
Me: (looking at clock, realizing I’m down to the wire)
Eric: “Four legged animals just have their legs, and then a buttHOLE. But no BUTT.”
Me: “Uh huh…”
Eric: “And like–”
Me: “K bye! Love you!” (Leave)
So in context, I think we can all agree I’m doing what I need to do to survive.
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