All posts by Emily
Lesson Learned
The exact moment you get so fed up with work bullshit that you TRULY stop giving a fuck will be the exact moment your principal comes and observes a lesson that goes so scarily well, she asks if you paid your students to sound so intelligent and insightful.
What. Is. Happening?!?!
Yeah no this job still sucks.
Dear Society,
Please stop assuming that because I am a teacher of young children, I must want to play with/talk to your young child.
I do not.
Emily
Blog Boyfriend
This is Eric’s life:
Except instead of “Instagram Husband,” it’s “Blog Boyfriend.”
And instead of flattering photos that make us look like we’re living the best, most picturesque life ever, it’s just a bunch of posts that embarrass him, make us both look stupid, and cause him to worry what his mother will think.
This post is a good example.
Standards
It’s good to know that here in NYC, you can literally be infamous for serving feces and still receive an above-average rating.
As a teacher and giver of grades, I feel pretty confident saying that Chipotle does not deserve a B right now.
I’m just saying– when I ask my students to perform, and instead of performing, they go ahead and SHIT THEMSELVES, I do not give them a “B.”
I send them home.
And then I never look at them the same way again.
There is nothing more confusing than that second before you realize it’s Ash Wednesday.
Yeah. Mine either.
Doing reading assessments…
Me: “Ok, good job reading that story! Now can you tell me what it’s about?”
Kid: “No not really.”
Me: “Oh. Why not?”
Kid: “Well…it’s just. This really isn’t the best day of my life.”
He’ll Be Right Back!
Repairman: “Oh my god, it’s so hot in this classroom!
Us: “Yes sir it is! The heat goes too high and we can’t control it. Please help!”
Repairman (taking apart thermostat): “Oh, well here’s the problem! See these two tubes here? They are supposed to connect.”
Us: “Meaning…”
Repairman: “This is what regulates the heat. Without it, it just keeps blasting. Never goes lower or turns off. That’s why it’s so hot and stuffy in here.”
Us: “Great, well…that only took 3 years to figure out! Can you fix it?!”
Repairman: “Sure can. I’ll be right back!”
That was six weeks ago.
We never saw him again.
I’ve Already Ruined Super Bowl Sunday
Watching a super bowl pre-game show, the hosts mention Michael Strahan.
Me: “Wait…Michael Strahan?”
Eric (nervous): “Yeah…”
Me: “He used to play football?”
Eric: <disbelieving silence>
Me: “Like, before he was Kelly Ripa’s sidekick?”
Eric: <rubbing temples>
I’m going to say less things for the rest of the day.
What is Love?
Manicurist: “THIS color? You sure?”
Me: “Yes.”
Manicurist: “No one choose this color. I never open.”
Me: “Yeah, I’ll bet. But the Broncos are in the super bowl and my boyfriend is a HUGE fan. So I’m supporting him.”
Woman sitting next to me: “That’s so funny, I was going to do the same thing!”
Me: “Really?”
Woman: “Yeah. But then I saw the color and was like ‘Nope. Can’t do it. Too ugly. Wayyyy too ugly.'”
She’s not wrong.
Emily's Posts 