On my prep, I overhear two 5th graders in the hallway:
Kid 1: “What time is it?”
Kid 2: “8:62”
Seriously– how do you still not understand the fundamental concepts of time?!? Shame on your 1st grade teacher.
Oh wait. That was me.
In fact, I was also your 3rd grade teacher.
Let’s never speak of this again.
Did anyone else gain a tremendous amount of respect for Kris Jenner after watching the two “About Bruce” episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians?
Relatedly, did anyone else lose a tremendous amount of respect for me after reading the above question?
Seriously, though. What a strong lady!
I’m a fan.
Now what the fuck is going on with Kylie Jenner’s face?
The original, or the Johnny Depp remake?
(Part of the Emails From My Brothers series)
In true Jeremy fashion, he decided to come to NYC for the weekend and let us know about it at 11:05pm Friday night (aka– once he got here), and then requested we get together Sunday.
So I, loving sister, responded:
No reply. It is now Tuesday. Not even sure he’s alive.
Kid: “What I learned from the American Revolution is that sometimes war is necessary to fight for our freedom, and if we didn’t have that war, we would STILL have to pay taxes today! But instead we get to keep all our money!”
I don’t want to be the one who has to tell him.
I’ll leave that to you, 5th grade.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are my very favorite!
Oh, David. I was all in until I saw that you’re kosher.
Because in between rounds of all the “carefree, open minded, honest, monogamous, safe, explorative, comfortably-fits-within-the-confines-of-our-mutual-schedules-and-boundaries-of-comfort sex” we’ll be having, I’m going to want me some bacon.
A second grader just opened my classroom door, walked in, tapped me on the shoulder, and asked to borrow a book from my class library.
The awkward part is that I was alone and asleep on a bean bag chair when it happened.
#lastperiodprep #monday #donttellyourmom
That moment when your classroom paraprofessional walks in and hands you this:
Guess my PMS isn’t as subtle as I thought.
Goddamnit, crossing guard– what the hell is the point of living in NYC if I can’t jaywalk?!? This is like, the ONE point you had over LA.
And what the fuck is this weather?!?!? Foggy with a chance of murder?
Are you SERIOUS, door? You want me to PULL you open? Who has time for this shit?!
Why is everything working against me today?!?!?!
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