7th Grader: “We’re wearing the same jeans I think.”
Me: “Oh, look at that– we are! That’s cool!”
7th Grader: “For you.”
Category Archives: Kids/Teaching
AFTER That
I’m tutoring a middle schooler for an important test she will take at the end of the year. She is super anxious about it, so I promise her I will have her fully prepared.
Kid: “Ok but what if you just, like, up and die before the test? THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!”
Me: “Ok, well. I certainly do not plan to die this year. But if I did– which I won’t– well, I suppose you could start by feeling sad about the sudden and tragic loss of your dear tutor and friend.”
Kid: “Oh– right, yes. OF COURSE. Sorry. Of course I’d feel sad.”
(silence)
Kid: “But like, AFTER that…?”
She KNEW it!!
Giving a kid a spelling test on homophones, I provide sentences for context. So for sun/son, I say:
“The SUN is shining brightly.”
“My SON is still a young baby.”
Kid: 
Me: “Excuse me?”
Kid: “My mom said your baby was a girl but I always see the picture on your phone and I told her it’s not a girl it’s DEFINITELY a boy! Like he’s the most boy-looking boy ever!”
Me: “That sentence was just to give context for your spelling test– it wasn’t true. I don’t have a son. I have a daughter.”
Kid: “Oh.”
(awkward silence)
Kid: “She’s VERY pretty.”
Not Harvard-Bound
I’m in the elevator with Nora and a man gets in with his dog…
Nora: “It’s a doggie!”
Me: “Yes it is! What does the doggie say?”
Nora: “Woof woof!”
Man: “Wow, that’s pretty good!”
Me: “Yes, well. She’s Harvard-bound.”
Man: 
Me: “I’m totally kidding.”
Man (laughing): “Oh thank god! You never know around here.”
Me (laughing): “I know. But don’t worry, I’m not one of those crazy ‘My 1-year-old-is-going-to-Harvard moms!”
Man: “Phew!”
She’s going to Penn.
Ebola Mom, Part 89
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
The Outside
Kid: “My dad’s vagina is on the outside.”
Sababa
Woman next to us on the Tel Aviv beach (pointing to her chair): “Can you watch this for me while I leave for a bit?”
“This” = her 3 year old child.
Oh, ok. Sure.
#israelis
Ebola Mom, Part 88
So Pretty!
Kid: “Wow, you look so pretty!”
Me (admittedly blushing): “Oh my goodness thank you that’s so unexpected but so sweet!”
Kid (confused): “It wasn’t a compliment, but ok.”
Me: “Telling me I’m pretty isn’t a compliment?”
Kid: “Sweaty.”
Me: “What?”
Kid: “I didn’t say you looked pretty, I said you looked sweaty.”
Me: “Oh.”
Kid: “You did that thing my mom always says I do.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Kid: “Hearing what you want to hear.”
Me: “Hahah yeah I guess so!”
I hate you.
