Category Archives: Kids/Teaching

This is Why I Teach Elementary School

March 6, 2018Kids, Kids/Teaching, pregnancykids, pregnancy, teaching, teenagers, tutoringEmily

I normally only tutor grades PreK-5, but I have one 7th grader who I’ve been with for years, and who is far too wise for her age.

Kid (watching me eat my standard pregnancy-nausea Saltines from a plastic baggie): “You’ve been snacking a lot during our sessions lately.”

Me: “Oh. Yes. I know. I’m sorry, I hope it’s not distracting. I just…I’m taking a vitamin and it makes me a little sick if I don’t eat.”

Kid (looking me up and down skeptically): “Mmmm hmmm.”

Me (closing my sweater self-consciously): “It’s true.”

Kid: “You look more tired, too. And last week you brought the wrong folder.”

Me: “It’s the vitamins. They make me tired. And forgetful. They have lots of side effects.”

Kid (rolling eyes): “Ok. Just remember– I’m 13. I know things. I watch a lot of TV.”

Me: “Ok, well, I’d appreciate if–”

Kid: “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Kid: “….that you’re smoking pot.”

Even Better

February 23, 2018Kids, Kids/Teachingchildren, health, kids, teacher problems, teaching, tutoringEmily

Me: “Soooo…what’s this stuck to your homework? Looks like a chewed up snack of some sort?”

Kid: “Ewwwww no!”

Me: “Ok, phew.”

Kid: “It’s a booger.”

It’s Been This Kind of Day

January 26, 2018Kids, Kids/Teachingchildren, history, kids, teaching, technology, tutoringEmily

This Mom Nailed It

December 15, 2017Kids, Kids/Teaching, Random Thoughts/Happeningsalabama, barack obama, Christmas, election, holidays, kids, politics, roy moore, teaching, tutoringEmily

Me: “So today we are going to read this biography about Barack Obama.”

Kid: “Oh! That’s my Dad’s Christmas dinner guest!”

Me: “Um…explain.”

Kid: “So every year everyone in my family decides who we would invite to our Christmas dinner that year, if we could invite anyone in the world. My dad chose Barack Obama.”

Me: “Oh, I love that! And who did YOU choose?”

Kid: “Taylor Swift.”

Me: “Also a good one. And your Mom?”

Kid: “She chose ‘any black female voter from Alabama.'”

Me:

Kid: “Yeah I didn’t really get it.”

The Defense Does NOT Hold Water

December 13, 2017Kids, Kids/Teachingchildren, Christmas, holidays, kids, my cousin vinny, teachers, teachingEmily

Me: “Did you do your homework?”

Kid: “No, I didn’t have time. With Christmas and all.”

Me: “Christmas is still 2 weeks away.”

Kid: “I know, but like. There’s a LOT that goes into Christmas, you know? There’s a lot of stuff that leads up to it. It’s not just like you’re busy on that ONE day.”

Me: “I guess…”

(15 minutes later)

Me: “So what IS your family doing for Christmas?”

Kid: “Oh, my family? Nothing. We’re Jewish.”

Pretty Much

December 8, 2017Kids, Kids/Teaching, Teachingblack history, children, history, kids, nelson mandela, teacher problems, teachers, teaching, tutoring, willie nelsonEmily

Kid and I are researching quotes for his paper about community action, and we come across a good quote by Nelson Mandela.

Me: “Ohhh, that’s a perfect one to use. Do you know who Nelson Mandela is?”

Kid: “Yeah of course.”

Me: “Oh, I’m impressed. I wouldn’t necessarily think a kid your age would know about him.”

Kid: “Well, my dad listens to his music all the time.”

Me: “Ummm…his music? Nelson Mandela was not a musician, as far as I know…”

Kid: “Yes, he’s a country singer!”

Me: “I think you’re thinking of someone else…”

Kid: “You know, (singing) ‘On the road again, Just can’t wait to get on the road again….'”

Me: “Oh, honey, no. That’s Willie Nelson. Not Nelson Mandela. They are two very VERY different people. Nelson Mandela ended apartheid in South Africa.”

Kid (pondering): “Ok but otherwise they’re pretty much the same.”

Well That’s Accurate

December 8, 2017Kids, Kids/Teaching, Teachingchildren, education, kids, teachingEmily

Me: “And what would you say is your greatest area of need?”

Kid: “Vocabulary.”

Me: “And your greatest strength?”

Kid: “Like, I guess…not vocabulary?”

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Well Played

December 7, 2017Kids, Kids/Teachingchildren, kids, math, teacher problems, teaching, tutoringEmily

I had a kid fill out a math assessment for homework. There was some new content in it, so I told her if she really didn’t know how to answer a question, just write “no idea” underneath, and I’d help her in the next session.

So in the next session, I taught her the strategy she needed to use to answer the “no idea” question. Once she had a firm grip on the strategy, I said, with optimistic enthusiasm, “Ok, so let’s go back to that question where you wrote ‘no idea’ and see if we can change that answer!”

So she changed it.

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(but then….)

Because come on that’s fucking hilarious.

The Right Thing To Say

November 20, 2017Kids/Teachingadvice, divorce, family, marriage, school, social skills, teaching, tutoringEmily

Parent (to me): “So on my kid’s middle school application, I have to explain her multiple absences last year, what do you think I should put as the reason?”

Me: “Well. What WAS the reason?”

Parent: “My ex-husband is a useless dickbag and couldn’t get her to school in the morning while I worked.”

Me: “Um….’family circumstances?'”

Parent: “Oooooh, that’s GOOD! You know all the right things to say.”

Oh to be clear I would 100% write the dickbag thing. In all caps, 30-point font, and with these emoji

It just seems you want to go in a different direction.

November 15, 2017Kids, Kids/Teachingchildren, Hair, hairstyle, kids, style, teaching, tutoringEmily

Kid: “Oh my gosh, your hair looks awesome! It’s so great how it’s SO short!”

Me: “Aw thanks!”

Kid: “Because, you know….your face is SO long.”