Category Archives: Random Thoughts/Happenings

Things We Know!

Random Thoughts/Happenings, , , , , , , , ,

Lately, during my outdoor runs, I’ve been seeing a lot of these shirts:

blackgirlsrun

And obviously I’m a fan, as I am a supporter of any display of racial pride that doesn’t come from a white person.

But I’m just a little confused– is there an underlying assumption here that society doesn’t already know that black girls run?

You win EVERY MARATHON and EVERY OLYMPIC TRACK EVENT. We know you run. You run very, very fast.

Regardless, this seems to be an extremely popular brand, so if it’s lucrative to create a brand stating things we all know about certain demographics, then consider this shit trademarked:

Jews

white girlsmen

WOMEN

old people

Which is Worse

Dating/Single Life, Random Thoughts/Happenings, , , , , , ,

I’ve been feeling kind of off the past few weeks and haven’t really been able to pinpoint why. Then today I was standing behind two women in Starbucks, and one of them was listing all my symptoms.

Woman 1: “I just don’t feel myself at ALL. I’m exhausted all the time, my body is sore, I have a constant headache, I just feel slow and lethargic and all I want to do is sleep.”

And just as I’m about to tap her on the back and say “Hey, ME TOO! What do you think is wrong with us?!”, she turns around, and I see what the problem is.

Woman 2: “Well jesus you’re 8 months pregnant with twins, how do you THINK you’re going to feel?”

So the point here is that I am either 8 months pregnant with twins, or just a single, 33-year-old, definitely-not-pregnant (trust me) woman who’s been waking up every day lately FEELING like she’s 8 months pregnant with twins.

I am legitimately not sure which is worse.

I do know that when I am pregnant one day, I am royally fucked.

IMG_1444

This Is My New Favorite Thing On Earth

Random Thoughts/Happenings, , , , , ,

Click here. Immediately. 

Type in your zip and enjoy the forecast (it gives you the ACTUAL forecast for your area, in language you can totally relate to. If you’re jewish. Or old. Or know anyone who is jewish or old.)

I highly recommend hitting the “random forecast” button afterwards, just to see what else she has to say.

You’re welcome.

(P.S. This was introduced to me by this guy, as he knew from meeting me once that I would love it. This is either amazing or terrible.)

The NYC Effect, Part 2

Being Awkward/Dumb Stuff I Do, Random Thoughts/Happenings, ,

(Related to The NYC Effect)

Last night I had a dream that my whole apartment caught fire. I woke up this morning to my smoke detector beeping low battery.

The former, Maryland-born me: “Wow, I’m so lucky! That beeping went off during my sleep and caused a dream about fire as a warning that I could be in danger, so I should change the battery ASAP.  I’ll do that first thing today. Thanks for looking out for me, Universe!”

Me after 2 years in NYC: “Well that was annoying. Guess I should change the battery, though.”

Me after 5 years in NYC: “I am going to smash that thing in with a baseball bat so that it never fucks with my sleep again.”

Me this morning: <actual maniacal smashing of smoke detector, followed by spitting on it>

 

This is a NO WHINING ZONE

Kids/Teaching, Random Thoughts/Happenings, , , , , , , ,

Waiting for my drink at Starbucks, a woman and her young, exasperated-and-annoyed looking child stand next to me. And immediately, all I hear is whining. “It smells in here, my drink doesn’t taste good, I need more napkins, it’s too cold in here, what is TAKING so long?” And I’m just staring at the mom with my head in my hands.

So finally, thank GOD, she gets fed up, turns around, and yells “Oh my gosh, stop whining! This is a NO WHINING ZONE. It is NOT allowed.”

And she did. The mom stopped.

So thank you, kid. You must have a fantastic Kindergarten teacher.

no-whining

Share Your Favorite Blog Day!

Being Awkward/Dumb Stuff I Do, Random Thoughts/Happenings, , , , , , , , , ,

Guys! Now that I am an in-the-know member of the blogging community, I learned that today is international “Share Your Favorite Blog” Day!

The rules are simple–

1. Choose your favorite blog (this one)

2. Share it on your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat/Whatever the hell else is out there ruining our interpersonal skills

3. Type a quick blurb with your share, such as “THIS BLOG IS AMAZING AND YOU MUST READ IT!” or “THIS BLOG IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO MY LIFE!” or “THE WRITER OF THIS BLOG IS A COMPLETE DISASTER BUT IT’S FUN TO READ ABOUT!”

4. Become my new best friend (can only be accomplished by completing steps 1-3).

Thanks so much guys!! Share Your Favorite Blog Day is definitely my new favorite holiday, and I’m so grateful to the person who thought it up!**

**I thought it up. No such holiday exists. Unless you count this post as its birth. So I guess technically now it exists, but I’m the only one celebrating.

Just share my fucking blog. Please.

Share Your Favorite Blog Day

#shareyourfavoriteblogday

Timeless Love

Dating/Single Life, Random Thoughts/Happenings, , ,

  

Every once in a while, I am blown away by the sight of an older couple so obviously and tenderly in love after so many years. Like right now. I’m sitting on the subway and there is an older couple across from me. They are easily in their 80s, possibly even late 80s.  They have obviously been married for a very long time– they just give off that knowing, comfortable, you-are-my-soulmate-and-you-complete-me aura. They are holding hands, and his other hand in placed gently on her leg, helping her hold her purse. They are smiling at each other, literally gazing into each other’s eyes as if they are the only two human beings in the world. And as I sit here and watch them, I can’t help but think 

Get a fucking room.