Category Archives: Teaching

This Isn’t a Snowstorm, de Blasio. It’s a Death Threat.

Kids/Teaching, Teaching, Uncategorized, , , ,

Today potential terrorist threats were made to both the LA and NYC public school systems. L.A. chose to close schools. NYC stayed open.

“We’ve come to the conclusion that we must continue to keep our school system open. (It is) very important not to overreact to situations like this” said Mayor Bill de Blasio the guy who happened to be right in this 50/50 coin toss.

Glad my students and I could be the guinea pigs.

And where were YOU today, de Blasio? What’s that? Nowhere near a public school building?

Yeah. I figured.

I’m moving to L.A.

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Relevant 

Kids, Kids/Teaching, Teaching,

Me (after a thorough explanation of exactly what “author’s purpose” means): “So a good way to think about the author’s purpose is to remember the acronym PIE– persuade, inform, or entertain. Today you will read your own books and try to decide what the author’s purpose is. Is it to persuade? Inform? Or entertain? Maybe a little of all three. Record your thoughts in the table, with evidence from the text.”

Kids: <blank stares>

Me: “I’m going to take your silence to mean you understand. Now, are there any relevant questions?”

Kid who has never once asked a relevant question raises hand.

Me: “A RELEVANT question.”

Hand still raised.

Me: “What is your question?”

Kid: “I’ve never tasted pie before.”

Thank You For Letting Us Know

Kids/Teaching, Teaching, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , ,

That moment when the parent of a student sends you and your co-teacher a rude, confrontational note in an envelope, but she accidentally also encloses the results of her gynecological exam.

She has Menorrhagia.

It’s characterized by a heavy menstrual flow.

Yeah. I googled it.

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Teaching Advice

Being Awkward/Dumb Stuff I Do, Kids/Teaching, Teaching, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

Do NOT try to reprimand your misbehaving class while there is (unbeknownst to you) a huge chunk of chocolate stuck to your front tooth.

They will not take you seriously. Neither will your co-teacher.

No, really– your co-teacher and 27 nine-year-olds will laugh at you for 10 solid minutes, and you will lose all credibility.

But then, luckily, you’ll remember that you never truly had credibility.

And that will make you feel better.

Until 10 seconds later, when you realize how sad that is.

Just swallow your chocolate, ok?

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Validation

Kids/Teaching, Teaching, ,

For the first time ever, someone at work walked up to me, gave me a genuine pat on the back and said with 100% sincerity, “You did great work today. I’m proud of you.”

Alright fine, he’s 9. But still.

Alright fine, he said the same exact thing to someone else 5 seconds later. But still.

Alright fine, that “someone else” was a booger he just pulled out of his nose.

But…still?

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I miss last year’s weirdos.