And then I turned on Sophie’s Choice, because I needed to watch something less depressing and terrifying than a U.S. presidential nominee sanctioning Russia to cyberspy on us.
Donald Trump Challenges Russia to Find Hillary Clinton’s Missing Emails
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Me: “I’ll go get the laundry. Which dryer did you put it in?”
Eric: “The one with our clothes in it.”
I Call the Bedroom!
Standard shotgun rules: I’m in sight of the room and I call it.
What About Zack?
Discussing our upcoming family vacation to the Outer Banks….
Phacne
The dirty-hippie-induced acne that breaks out on your face after a weekend of Phish.
Not Ideal
Hungover from Phish, looking for some eggs.
Us: “Hi, we saw online you had a brunch menu, can we see that please?”
Waiter: “Oh I’m sorry, that’s Sunday only.”
Us: “Oh no! We all REALLY need some eggs.”
Waiter (smiling): “Oh, ok. So you guys ALL want to order eggs then?”
Us (excited): “Yes!”
Waiter: “Yeah no we definitely can’t do that.”
Me: “We’re about to listen to Phish live all weekend, so we’re not going to have to listen to Phish the whole car ride up to Mansfield, right?”
Eric: <maniacal laughter>
“I’ll tell ya– Macy’s really shouldn’t be spending their money on this. They’re not doing well.”
— Eric, world’s biggest buzzkill, while watching the Macy’s NYC fireworks show
When I walked in the door from my run…
Eric: “Look at you! You look so pretty and skinny and gorgeous!’
Me: “Aww, what an unexpectedly nice greeting!”
Eric: “My blood sugar’s low.”
Closure
That moment when a parent who gave you hell for 4 years of your teaching career somehow tracks down your phone number and calls you to say that she is sorry for everything she put you through, and she acknowledges the role she played in her children’s in-school difficulties, and she says that she heard that you are leaving the teaching profession so she didn’t want you to depart without knowing that truly, deeply, she really does appreciate everything you did for her and her two sons over the years, thus providing you with the perfect feeling of satisfied closure as you end your classroom career.
That didn’t actually happen.
I’m just saying. It’d be nice.
Instead I just walked by said parent getting drunk and smoking cigs at a neighborhood bar.
Wonder where the kids are.
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