Me: “I’m sorry I wasn’t more helpful with unpacking your boxes and suitcases today, but I have to run a half marathon tomorrow.”
Eric: “Yeah, and I have to stand in the cold to cheer you on tomorrow!”
And now he doesn’t live here anymore.
I’ll Admit I Could Have Been More Helpful
Let the Polite Lies Commence
Eric: “I feel like I’ve really cramped up your apartment. Is it making you anxious?”
Me: “What?! No, babe…”
Phish Girlfriend
Yes, I enjoyed my first two phish concerts. But let’s rein it in.
A Jewish Girl Lives Here
I saw this in my bathroom the day Eric moved in and thought, with an eyeroll, “Well, it’s official. A boy lives here now.”
Then I realized it’s mine.
I left it at his place a while ago.
Guess he brought it back for me.
Thanks, babe!
Ebola Mom, Part 49
Fuller House
I was REALLY enjoying watching “Fuller House” until I read the reviews for “Fuller House,” which essentially claim that if you are enjoying watching “Fuller House,” it’s because you’re a fucking idiot whose life is sad.
Oh.
Let’s Define “Related”
In a discussion about the Declaration of Independence and the formation of US government…
Us: “And what is going on in the news right now that is related to this? What’s going to happen later this year?”
Kid: “Oh! A SNOWSTORM!”
“Your face.”
— Eric, when asked “if we were in a situation where you had to resort to cannibalism, which part of my body would you eat first?”
Pajama Day
Us: “Nice pajamas!”
Kid: “These aren’t pajamas.”
Oh.
