We’ve gotten a total of like 6 gifts and I’ve still managed to write one person duplicate thank you cards, about 4 days apart. Clearly both cards said pretty much the exact same thing, and clearly I was called out.
Surprise!
I’m surprised by this in the same way I’m surprised whenever I see a homeless man peeing in the NYC subway.
Which is to say I’m not at all fucking surprised by this.
The term “first world problems” was coined by someone with an anxiety disorder in the midst of creating her wedding registry.
This is Easy
Eric and I are babysitting my nephew all day today.
Me (watching Tyler contentedly watching Winnie the Pooh): “See? We can do this! Parenthood is easy! He’s quiet and happy.”
Eric: “How much time has gone by?”
3 minutes.
The Bright Side
“The transition into old and senile is going to be very smooth for you.”
— Eric, to me.
And then he heard it
“Yes!! What do we have that I can jerk?!?!”
— Eric, a little too excited about our new jerky maker
It’s the Little Things
This week I was having major anxiety, but then this happened.
I Think We Can All Agree This is the Best Way to Handle it
“Have a great trip!”
— My doorman, every single afternoon, when I walk out the door with my rolling “work bag.”
I had hoped by now he would have realized that I’m not going on a trip. But he hasn’t.
So now I just yell back, “Thanks! I will!”
Because we’ve come too far.
Bitch Knows Me
Therapist (the second she opens her office door): “Unfortunately, I’m out of tissues, so I went and grabbed this. Hopefully it will suffice.” (hands me a roll of toilet paper)
Me (laughing): “I won’t need this! Everything is good!”
Therapist (cheerfully doubtful): “Well, you know. You’re going through a lot of transitions right now so…just in case.”
Me: “I know, but they’re all good transitions! Trust me, I’m doing GREAT!”
I used over half the roll.
A mega roll.
She let me keep the rest for the ride home.
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