If Hillary runs the country but lets Morgan Freeman do all the talking, we’ll be fine.
I decided that in order to spice things up, during tonight’s DNC I’d drink every time I got a little teary eyed.
Khizr Khan is speaking.
I’ll be needing a hospital in roughly 3 minutes.
Still
Just ran into a kid I used to tutor.
Kid: “Are you married?”
Me: “No.”
Kid (yelling across the store): “MOMMMMMMMM! STILL NO!”
Thanks For the Helpful Critique!
Just received this email from a stranger in my blogger inbox.
And you know, there was a time in my life when this kind of baseless, spiteful, wholly unconstructive criticism would have gotten me really riled up, and set me on a path to fire back with a similarly vicious retort.
But then I graduated Kindergarten and knew better.
Not sure what happened to this guy.
Independent Woman
As I come in from my run…
Doorman: “Emily, you have a package.”
Me: “Oh great– is it heavy? If so I’ll come back for it later.”
Doorman: “Nah, not at all. It’s big, but it’s very light. Nothing you can’t handle.”
Me: “Oh ok cool. I’ll take it then.”
I just fell trying to push it across the hallway.
Things That Happen When Eric’s Out of Town
The TV has been on Spanish mode for the past 4 hours and I just noticed.
Usually it’s Eric’s job to tell me “Hey, do you realize you’re watching the TV on mute?” or “Hey, do you realize you didn’t turn on the AC, and that’s why it’s 105 degrees in here?” or “Hey, I see you’re about to throw out the trash, but do you realize you’re not wearing pants?”
I don’t know how I ever lived alone.
The Morning After
Do you think Hillary Clinton woke up this morning with a confident, shit eating grin, had some coffee and then slowly came to realize “Oh, fuck. I have to FOLLOW that.”
Tonight should be good.
#imstillwithher #mostlybecauseimwiththeseballers
#andthisbadassbitch
I’ll never let go…
Kvelling
“Barack and I married way up. WAY up.” — Joe Biden
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU WHY AREN’T YOU RUNNING?!?!!!?
This is Why I Prefer Not to Have a Doorman
As I leave for my daily run, trying to get out the door and get started…
Doorman: “Wow, you sure do run a lot. Even in this heat?”
Me: “Yup! But this is nothing compared to how much I used to run! I used to run marathons and half marathons on the regular.”
Doorman: “Wow. But I find that people who run THAT much are running away from something.”
Oh. (awkward stare-down)
Me: “Ok, bye!”
And then I turned on Sophie’s Choice, because I needed to watch something less depressing and terrifying than a U.S. presidential nominee sanctioning Russia to cyberspy on us.
Donald Trump Challenges Russia to Find Hillary Clinton’s Missing Emails
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