Tag Archives: blogger problems

“What are you going to do– SHOW me my clothes?!”

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My friends often say that they can’t wait until I get married one day, for the sole reason that there is so much material for hilarious rehearsal dinner speeches.

But like…what are you going to do– print out and read my blog posts?

I wrote about peeing on a church. Losing a bag of cash. Refusing to wear bras. Locking myself out of my apartment naked. Growing monthly menstrual devil horns.

Sorry guys. I’m pretty sure it’s all out there.

I Need an Agent

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28 weeks ago, I posted the photo below (of MY water bottle) on my Instagram. It received a whopping 8 likes.

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Yesterday, @teachermisery posted my photo on THEIR Instagram:

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689 likes!!!!!!!!!

I was honored and flattered that @teachermisery jacked my photo, but I couldn’t help but think “WHY DOES NO ONE LIKE ME?!?”

JK, it wasn’t that dramatic. But it WAS important enough for me to interrupt Eric at work and complain to him. And here was Positive Peter’s take:

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He’s so cute when he blatantly lies to my face.

And even if his numbers WERE accurate (I didn’t do the math, I’m just assuming he was bullshitting me, it’s sort of what he does), the 300 likes more than doubled, so now the stats are way off. THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL WORSE, ERIC.

So a few things, friends:

  1. I need an agent. If you’re interested in doing that for exactly zero dollars, email me at emilysposts1@gmail.com
  2. Follow my Instagram, @emilysposts1. I used to just post screen shots of my posts but I soon learned that’s annoying, as people on Insta don’t like to read. I get it. Words are hard. Fair enough. So I’ve recently started posting more actual photos. YOU’RE WELCOME, all my friends who have complained! (so…all my friends.).
  3. I promise to never post a photo of a cat.
  4. I promise that if I break the promise in #3, it’ll be because I’m making fun of the cat.
  5. No, never mind. No cats. I’m firm on this.

That’s it.