(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Oh. Ok.
Tag Archives: parenting
This is a NO WHINING ZONE
Waiting for my drink at Starbucks, a woman and her young, exasperated-and-annoyed looking child stand next to me. And immediately, all I hear is whining. “It smells in here, my drink doesn’t taste good, I need more napkins, it’s too cold in here, what is TAKING so long?” And I’m just staring at the mom with my head in my hands.
So finally, thank GOD, she gets fed up, turns around, and yells “Oh my gosh, stop whining! This is a NO WHINING ZONE. It is NOT allowed.”
And she did. The mom stopped.
So thank you, kid. You must have a fantastic Kindergarten teacher.
Ebola Mom, Part 25
(part of the Ebola Mom series)
Tutoring Ebola Mom’s kid…
Kid: “My mom tried to find you on Facebook but couldn’t.”
Me: “Oh. I don’t use Facebook.”
Kid: “You don’t?”
Me: “Nope. No Facebook. No Instagram. No Internet, really. At all. Ever.”
Ebola Mom, Part 24
The First Time I Saw A Grown Man’s Penis
Remember that first time you saw a grown man’s penis? Remember how the sight of it caught you COMPLETELY off guard? And remember how it wasn’t just one penis, it was about 25 penises at once? Mere inches from your face? Flopping around to a catchy, upbeat musical jam? And you were 10?
Oh, ok, so your mother DIDN’T take you to see the Broadway musical Hair when you were in 5th grade.
Well. Lucky you.
When Clients Overshare
A simple “she’s sick” would have sufficed.
Some Parents Have Lost Their Damn Minds
My friend Alex, dad of My First Guest Blogger, just turned to me and said the following:
“Emily, look! If you actually read [the baby’s] blog post, the first line actually says ‘Hi! You suck. I’m in LA!’ And at the bottom she gives her coordinates!”
As a reminder, the post said this:
Point NYC. Just because. No.
LA 5; NYC 6
Nothing Funnier
There’s nothing funnier than when people awkwardly fall. I do it all the time. So when my friend’s baby just did it, I burst out laughing, because she looked like a total goof.
Then the kid started wailing, and both her parents sprung out of their chairs to comfort her.
I was still laughing.
It was really funny, guys.
She just like buckled and fell sideways. Out of nowhere.
She looked like a miniature demolished building.
Timber!!!
I guess you had to be there….
I can never have kids.
Ebola Mom, Part 22
Ebola Mom, Part 21
(Part of the Ebola Mom series)
Oh, Nanc. How I admire your unique ability to not be nice while doing something nice.
For so many reasons….No.
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