And then this weird thing happened where almost every parent was super nice and complimentary and appreciative and said their kid was loving school this year and learning a ton.
No. That’s it. I have no snarky punch line. That’s actually what happened.
I was certain I was accidentally on drugs.
But my coteacher swears it happened too, and she’s much better about not accidentally taking drugs.
I don’t know what to do with this, guys.
“I just survived the first round of parent teacher conferences and the next round doesn’t start until 5:30pm. I deserve this.”
–Me, to myself, justifying this late afternoon snack*
* snack = coffee, wine, and Xanax
“He just had to go number 2.”
— parent, explaining why her 4th grade son had a complete violent meltdown that endangered the safety of all those around him.
That moment when the substitute paraprofessional says to you, “What time is lunch? I really need to know since I am still expressing milk.”
You could have just asked me when lunch is. I would have answered you.
It’s right around this time of year that teachers actually start to feel comfortable and confident with their new class. They feel like they’re actually being effective and making a positive difference, and they begin to remember why they love their jobs.
Which is why today’s parent teacher conferences fall at the perfect time.
To provide a reality check.
This job sucks.
When I have kids one day, I am never going to yell at them, punish them, set rules/curfews, or prevent them from doing the things they want to do because I’m going to be the cool parent who understands that children are people too, and they should be allowed to do as they please and make their own decisions.
Said my 12 year old self.
What a fucking idiot.
When the janitor watches you fill your water bottle at the hallway water fountain and says “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” that is NOT good.
#heknowsthings
I originally bought this oversized wine glass for my Tami Taylor Halloween costume, but it turns out it’s great for special occasions, like Mondays, Daylight Savings, and 4:55pm.
Two kids went home sick today, the first school day after Halloween, which is just sad.
These nerds need to step up their candy-gorge game. I expected half the class to be out.
I’ve had a stomach ache for 3 days.
Today there was a cockroach in our classroom the size of my hand.
It was literally the largest bug I’ve ever seen in real life, and it was hanging out right under one of our computers. My co-teacher spotted it first and relayed the information to me in the calmest, quietest tone she could muster (and if you know my co-teacher, you can appreciate the restraint this took) in order to not draw the kids’ attention, whispering the phrase “I’m going to throw up” no less than six times.
I’m not good with bugs. But more and more kids were spotting it, and the classroom was one second away from full blown hysteria. I appreciated that my co-teacher was PRETENDING to take action by grabbing a tissue box, but, let’s be real, she wasn’t going to do shit, other than possibly puke on herself.
It was up to me.
So I calmly walked over to the roach with a mountain of tissues, scooped it up, and placed it in a plastic ziplock bag. The kids gasped and then erupted into applause. They were being absurd and beyond dramatic. Then, for the next 20 minutes, they were unable to focus on their writing task. They were giving me the thumbs up, congratulating me, telling me how brave I am– pretty much anything they could do to avoid their work. You know how 9 year olds are. It was a total overreaction and completely ridiculous.
I’ve never felt cooler.
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