Tag Archives: upper east side

How You Know You’re On The Upper East Side

April 4, 2015Family, Random Thoughts/Happeningsfamily, jews, matzah, passover, upper east sideEmily

To be clear, we did not ask for the matzah. To be clearer, every single one of us brushed it aside and ate the bread buried beneath it.

Ebola Mom, Part 17

March 6, 2015Kids/Teachingebola, ebola mom, kids, parenting, teaching, tutoring, ues, upper east sideEmily

(Part of the Ebola Mom series)

I’m less concerned about the fact that my cell number was passed along without my permission than I am about the fact that someone has chosen to be good friends with Ebola Mom.

Also– 13 YEAR OLD BOY?! No. My misery quota for this season has been filled.

Your Mom is a Selfish Windbag

March 5, 2015Kids/Teachingflu, flu season, germs, kids, NYC, parenting, teacher problems, teaching, ues parents, upper east sideEmily

Us (to kid who looks blatantly ill): “Do you feel ok?”
Kid: “No. I have the flu.”
Us: “Then why are you here?!?”
Kid: “My mom said if I have too many absences I won’t get into middle school.”

A few things:

1. If you don’t get into middle school, it will be because you gave us the flu, and so we permanently branded you the dirty, germy kid. This will be the first line of your middle school recommendation letter. We might even add in that you smell. Not because it’s true, but because we hate your mom.

2. Tomorrow, we will send a big ball of phlegm to your mother’s office, which will sit on her desk all day, slowly oozing around her workspace and contaminating everything and everyone. Tit for tat, lady.

3. Leave this room. Now. (He did. And went to the nurse. Who took his temperature. Which was over 100 degrees.)

4. We know it’s not YOUR fault. We do like you a little less, though. I’m sorry. It’s just what happens.

5. Feel better, kiddo!