That moment when you’re watching your class rehearse for their upcoming dance performance, and a group of five 4th grade boys end their solo portion with a huge pelvic thrust.
I’m so uncomfortable.
Slash proud.
Mostly uncomfortable, though.
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Liberation!
That super liberating moment when you realize you don’t care at ALL about today’s visit from the superintendent. Lady, you do NOT know me, you do NOT know my kids, and you do NOT know my school. So if you take a 10 minute snapshot of my classroom and decide you don’t like what you see, I don’t want to work for you anyway.
Please don’t fire me though. I really want to travel this summer.
#summer #thegoldenhandcuffsoftheDOE
I’m Full of Brilliant Ideas
I just walked into my lobby alongside another young woman, who I’ve never seen before but who apparently lives in my building. We approach the mailboxes, and she points to a set of apartment keys dangling out of a mailbox.
Her: “You see those keys? That’s my husband.”
Me: (laughing) “That’s hilarious.”
Her: “Well the irony is, he would KILL me if I did something like that! I do absent minded stuff all the time and he’s so critical!”
Me: “Well then you should definitely take a photo of it and hold this over him until the end of time.”
Her (wide-eyed): “Oh my god, that’s SUCH a good idea!” (takes photo) “Brilliant. I take it you use this tactic with your husband?”
Me: “I don’t have a husband.”
Perhaps this is why.
Yeah, Kid. I know.
While tutoring…
Me: “So the problem says there are 3 horses with 7 spots on each horse, then asks how many spots there are in all. So first, let’s draw the horses.” (I start drawing)
Kid: (laughing hysterically) “Those aren’t horses, they’re just blobs!”
Me: “Yes, I know honey. I’m not actually drawing horses, I’m just drawing circles to represent the horses. Because when you’re problem solving in math, you want to focus on the numbers, not on drawing pretty pictures.”
Kid: “Oh, ok. That makes sense.”
I was definitely trying to draw horses.
This Guy Who Knows EXACTLY What He Wants
Umm. Is this a typo?
Seems like a very specific vision for a white Jewish guy.
Must Be Mid-May
We’ve reached that point in the school year where not only are we letting the kids arm wrestle during dismissal, we’re standing back and taking bets on who will win.
Luckily the Nurse is No Alarmist
That moment when you send a sick kid (one of many) to the nurse, and an hour later the nurse calls to say that that kid was rushed to the hospital, and that “there is something very wrong happening in your classroom.”
She then uses her extensive medical training/expertise to conjure up the solution of giving everyone in the room a dab of hand sanitizer.
We’re all going to die.
The Bad/Good News
The bad news is that today the kids have gym first period, so they will smell like dead rats.
The good news is that it will mask the smell of what I’m pretty sure is an ACTUAL dead rat.
And the public school universe calibrates.
I’m just going to be Anna today.
That moment when you tell the barista your name is Anna, because you’re so embarrassed by how much you’re sweating post-run, you decide you need an alias.
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