“When you do get married, and people speak at the rehearsal dinner, you are SO. FUCKED.” — everyone I know, to me.
Category Archives: Dating/Single Life
This Fresh Prince, Part 1.5
This Fresh Prince, Part 2
(Continuation of This Fresh Prince)
We switched from app chatting to iMessage, so you know it’s getting serious. Also because he proposed.
This Excited Guy
No response. Weird.
Dear Jewish Men Everywhere
You are no longer allowed to be named Michael, Adam, or Daniel (or any variation thereof).
I’m sorry. I’m trying to date here, and it’s just too confusing.
Thanks.
Love,
Person with most common female name in America (but that’s your problem, not mine)
Somebody Loves Me?!
I walk into my lobby and my super hands me a huge bouquet of just-delivered flowers.
Super: “Looks like somebody loves you!”
Me (excited): “What?! Who would send me flowers?!” (Checking card, confused) “This says it’s for 5d. I’m 5b.”
Super: “Oh.” (Snatches flowers back) “Never mind.”
This Fresh Prince
My dating life has become one big game of emoji-wooing.
This Fresh Prince– The Opening Act
Ladies and gentleman, my future husband.
Just Like Cinderella
I am going to the FIDF (Friends of the Israel Defense Forces) gala tonight, and I’m feeling JUST LIKE Cinderella. Except instead of a new blue ball gown, a twice-worn short black dress that may or may not fit. And instead of gleeful mice helping me get ready, a family of beady-eyed rabid rats scratching at my balcony door. And instead of a horse-drawn carriage, a delayed 6 train car with two separate puddles of urine. And instead of a fairy god mother, my jewish mother texting me right after I post this to ask “so who’s going tonight?” And instead of Prince Charming, a balding jew in finance.
Basically we’re both blondes.
Well, this season we’re both blondes.
Sassy Pedicurist: Freeze the Eggs? Not a gift.
Discussing my upcoming 33rd birthday…
Sassy: “You buy yourself something nice?”
Me: “I was thinking I’d freeze my eggs.”
Sassy: (head in hands)
Me: “I take it you don’t approve?”
Sassy: “A new dress is gift. Nice dinner. Long massage. Date with good man. Freeze the eggs? Not a gift.”
Me: “I think it is. It’s a smart, proactive, responsible decision that will relieve some anxiety.”
Sassy (pointing to adjacent customers): “Now you make EVERYONE in here sad.”
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