Category Archives: Kids/Teaching
No. What’s a blog?
Tutoring…
Kid: “Do you know what a blog is?”
Me: “Hmmm…No. What’s a blog?”
Kid: “It’s like an internet page where you write things and put pictures and stuff. My teacher has one.”
Me: “Really?”
Kid: “Yeah, it’s a blog for our classroom. It talks about all the cool things we do in school, tells the parents what we’re learning, and she write notes about how proud she is of us.”
Right. Just like my blog.
Look At Him Now!
Moments ago in CVS, I ran into a former student of mine who is now in 5th grade…
Me: “Hey there, kiddo!”
Kid: “Oh hi, Miss Emily! You know, it’s funny that I’m running into you because I was actually just thinking about how I behaved as your student in Kindergaretn, 1st, and 3rd grade, and boy was I a terror! I’m so sorry about that. Now that I’m in 5th grade and about to go to middle school, I realize that my behavior was very unfair to you, and to the other kids in the class. So I just want to say thank you. I really appreciate all the time and energy you took to get me through those years, and I promise all your hard work really paid off, because look at me now!”
Then I snapped out of my delusion and saw that rather than return my greeting, the kid had run away and hidden behind a rack of gum.
Seriously
Sitting down to tutor…
Me: “Sorry we have to do this on such a nice weekend day!”
Kid: “Oh, I don’t mind! I like when you come to tutor me on weekends.”
Me: “Really?”
Kid: “Yeah! I love getting the extra practice! I’m actually kind of sad the test will be over soon.”
Me: “Aww, well that’s a fabulous attitude to have!”
There’s something very wrong with you.
This Imbecile
Possibly too harsh a response but I am in NO mood this week, Brian.
Weirdly the conversation ended there.
Racism. I think?
That moment when you have to tell an asian kid to stop making fun of other asian kids for being asian.
They didn’t cover this one in graduate school.
Mixed Emotions
Kid: “How old are you? You look late 20s.”
Me: “You’re my new favorite person!”
Kid: “How bout Miss [coteacher]? She looks younger than you.”
I hate you.
The First Time I Saw A Grown Man’s Penis
Remember that first time you saw a grown man’s penis? Remember how the sight of it caught you COMPLETELY off guard? And remember how it wasn’t just one penis, it was about 25 penises at once? Mere inches from your face? Flopping around to a catchy, upbeat musical jam? And you were 10?
Oh, ok, so your mother DIDN’T take you to see the Broadway musical Hair when you were in 5th grade.
Well. Lucky you.
Not What I Was Craving
That moment when you’re proctoring a test in someone else’s classroom and you see a box that says “perishable, open upon arrival” and you get excited thinking it might be cookies, so you take a peek inside.
It’s a container of live crickets.
Professional Problems
Guys, what do YOU do when YOUR giant yellow Judy clock won’t fit inside your work bag?
What’s that? You don’t own a giant yellow Judy clock?
You actually worked really hard throughout your schooling and personal life so that “giant yellow Judy clock” would never be part of your professional vocabulary?
Cool.
Good for you.
But seriously what the fuck do I do about this clock.
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