“Chess is one of those things, like what they say about riding a bike. If you don’t practice, you’ll forget how to do it.”
— the Chess teacher, 100% serious, to our students
Category Archives: Random Thoughts/Happenings
A Jew at Christmas
The Christmas season is officially upon us, which means that countless people, friends and strangers alike, will be wishing me a very merry Christmas. But I’m Jewish. So you know what I’ll be saying in return?
“Thank you.”
Because I’m not a dick.
Show of Support
I just made a donation to Red Cross in order to support those in the Paris terror attacks. When it comes to supporting France, however, I think any act of solidarity right now is helpful and significant.
And THAT is why I am eating this entire wheel of Brie.
Nope. Now is not the time.
To those people on the internet already using the Paris terror attacks to promote their anti-gun-control agenda by pointing out that this tragedy happened in a country with strict gun laws, may I kindly invite you to stop talking.
No one, in the wake of ANY mass shooting, where innocent lives have been ended by bullets, wants to hear about how much you love your guns. But in the case of this particular mass shooting, it’s not even about the guns.
This one is about terrorism. The horrific, global threat to all of humanity.
No one’s trying to have a gun debate.
Go home.
Nailed it, Real Housewives of Potomac!
The entirely black cast of Real Housewives of Potomac makes total sense because I definitely remember growing up in Potomac and thinking “Where are all the white Jews?”
My Generation is Doing Just Fine
There is a guy in my building, about age 60, who loves to make fun of me for always typing/swiping on my phone in the elevator. Every time he sees me, he makes it a point to comment on how iPhones are the downfall of society. Just ran into him again while bringing my laundry down….
Him: “Still on that phone, huh?”
Me: “Yup.”
Him: “Let me ask you something– where do you get your news?”
Me: “Twitter.”
Him: “See this is what’s wrong with young people today. You get your news on TWITTER.”
Me: “I was kidding. Relax.”
Him: “Good. For a minute there, I thought our future was doomed. Getting news from TWITTER?!”
Me: “Yeah, no worries. Just a joke.”
I get it from Facebook.
Too many words on Twitter. Not enough photos.
I prefer my news next to a picture of a bunny nuzzling a raccoon.
Fact
Water tastes better when you pour it into a wine glass and then replace it with wine.
New Starbucks Cups
Well yeah, of course, I completely agree with the outrage over the new Starbucks Christmas cups. I don’t have to be Christian to understand the controversy and be completely offended. How do you go from touting symbols of Christmas to completely removing them?
I mean, what if Starbucks took the menorahs off the blue Chanukah cups?
Or the kinaras off the Kwanza cups?!
Oh wait.
Everyone needs to calm the fuck down.
Trump on SNL
Look, I have to give credit where credit is due. I had absolutely zero expectations, comedy-wise, for last night’s Trump-hosted SNL episode. But I just watched it on DVR and I have to admit the show turned out a hilarious performance.
I am, of course, referring to Sia’s dancer.
Trump was fucking terrible.
Seems Like Unnecessary Information
That moment when the substitute paraprofessional says to you, “What time is lunch? I really need to know since I am still expressing milk.”
You could have just asked me when lunch is. I would have answered you.
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