“Oh god. Winter is coming.”
— Eric, seeing the ring of vaseline around my mouth as I got into bed last night.
Category Archives: Random Thoughts/Happenings
Here’s What I Took Away From That Story
Kid: “Did you get a wedding dress yet?”
Me: “No, not yet. So many choices! It’s hard to decide on one.”
Kid: “You should do what my mom did. She had four different dresses. She had one for the pictures before the wedding, then she walked down the aisle in another one, like a big princess dress, and then she did the party in a different, shorter dress so she could dance and then she had an even SHORTER one for the party AFTER the wedding. She got them all at Vera Wang.”
Yeah your family needs to pay me more.
Uh Oh
The most anxiety-inducing realization I’ve had so far in regard to getting married is that I have no idea how to write an uppercase T in cursive.
This is Perfect
The NYC Naked Cowboy dancing underneath the Trump Tower sign while this reporter desperately tries to give a serious analysis of last night’s debate is the perfect visual representation of this presidential election.
- Any one of the over 250 elementary school students I’ve taught over the last 8 years.
- This emoji
- Booger McPorkpie
- My left pinky toe. Unpolished.
- A deaf, mute mime
- Ralph from The Simpsons
- The pile of shit I found in the stairwell last week
— Potential Moderators who would have done a better job than Lester Holt
Is It Just Me?
I’m looking forward to this presidential debate in that creepy, sadistic way you look forward to finally seeing the horrific crash scene at the end of the maddening, stand-still traffic jam you’ve been stuck in for hours on end.
I Shit You Not
Here’s an email I just had to send to management.
And here’s how Eric wanted to handle it (I did not allow him to hit send)…..
I Am Epically Bad At This
We’ve gotten a total of like 6 gifts and I’ve still managed to write one person duplicate thank you cards, about 4 days apart. Clearly both cards said pretty much the exact same thing, and clearly I was called out.
Surprise!
I’m surprised by this in the same way I’m surprised whenever I see a homeless man peeing in the NYC subway.
Which is to say I’m not at all fucking surprised by this.
Emily's Posts 