(Continuation of “Ma! Ma!!! I never know what she’s DOING back there…” )
Tag Archives: family
“Ma! Ma!!! I never know what she’s DOING back there…”
This might be a new low.
You’re Definitely NOT Sorry
My mom just got to the Dominican Republic and sent the following:
I was happy for her, but jealous….
Mom wasted no time replying…
ZERO. FUCKS. GIVEN.
Stupid Shit Zack Does
Less than two weeks ago, I received the following text from Zack:
So, being the good, caring sister that I am, I gave the appropriate dramatic, concerned response.
We then proceeded to have an in depth, highly detailed and descriptive discussion of his symptoms. Niagra Falls was used as a metaphor to describe the intensity. And, again, like a good, caring sister, I listened and offered sympathy.
Flash forward 13 days, he sent me this video of his dinner tonight:
No. I’m out.
The Whitest, Jewiest Text I’ve Ever Received
The Line is a Dot to Jeremy
Thanksgiving Traditions
For me, Thanksgiving is all about handing your dad a tax document you don’t understand and begging him to please just take care of it for you.
Holiday Entertainment
It’s funny how when you spend an extended amount of time with family in close quarters over the holidays, everyone starts to get really snippy with one another. Like how my mom just gave me the most disgusted, horrified look in response to the most benign comment.
I only suggested we put the baby in the dryer for ONE cycle.
Family Rankings
Doing a marathon fundraiser is a really fun and easy way to figure out who your favorite family members are.
Congratulations, Zack! Your $50 donation to my fundraiser has put you in first place!
The rest of you are tied for second place, as you all donated the same amount.
You know.
Zero dollars.
Don’t Try to Make Steph Feel
Last night, 24 hours after the horrific events in Paris, knowing that we all needed a break from the media coverage and sadness, my mom texted to check in on us. Steph was unable to comprehend the sentiment:
So I stepped in to explain:
In other words, Steph, make Mom feel better by telling her we are ok and enjoying ourselves, so she will stop worrying.
Emily's Posts 