This is my life:
Except instead of a joyful, dance-filled celebration after I say what I’m thinking, everyone just hates me.
I don’t know, guys– I don’t want to jinx it, but I feel like this is going really well!!! 
I wear this shirt to school all the time, so the kids are well aware that I know “The Vintage Twin” owners (who are, in fact, twins).
Kid: “But what does vintage mean?”
Me: “It means old. But valuable.”
Kid: “So the twins are old people?”
Me (laughing): “They’re 24!”
Kid (wide eyed): “Yikes– that IS old!”
And then I cried into my emoji sweatshirt.
(Part of the Always Be Honest With Your Dating App series)
A student misbehaved yesterday so I sent a note home explaining the incident to her mom, and asked that the note be signed and returned. Today the kid handed me this.
Me: “So your mom read and signed THIS paper?”
Kid: “Yes.”
(Part of the Always Be Honest With Your Dating App series)
Kid: “You’re 32?!”
Me: “Yes.”
Kid: “You’re not even younger than my mom.”
Me: “Great. And thanks.”
Kid: “Well don’t feel bad– you ARE shorter than her, at least.”
Kid: “Are you worried about being so old and not being married?”
Me: “Oh, um. No. First of all, I don’t think I’m ‘so old.'”
Kid: “32 is pretty old.”
Me: “I disagree.”
Kid: “It’s like THREE TIMES my age!”
Me: “I regret teaching you multiplication.”
Kid: “So are you worried?”
Me: “No. I’m not worried. I’m fine with my age and I’m fine with not being married.”
Kid: “Oh ok good. I’ll tell my mom not to worry then.”
Me: “She’s worried? About me?”
Kid: “Yeah. She said when SHE was your age, I was already born!”
Right. And you’re a gem.
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