Me (whining): “None of my t-shirts even fit me anymore. I have nothing comfy to wear around the apartment.”
(Later, I walk into the bedroom to see a t-shirt folded on my pillow)
Me: “Why is this here?”
Eric: “It’s my t-shirt for you to wear, so you’ll be comfortable. It’s a large.”
Me: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?!”
I didn’t appreciate the condescending implication that he has more control than I do, but I admired the health-conscious logic and embarked on my snack session with the same vigilance and restraint. I was actually impressed by the fact that no matter how hard I shook and manipulated the bag, only one combo at a time could escape into my palm, allowing for a controlled, responsible snack experience.
20 seconds in:
Then I just got mad.
Eric got me an Apple watch for my birthday.
It will likely be the last gift I ever get.
After 3 months of indulging my every anxiety, it seems someone is losing his patience.
His birthday is on Thursday.
Two hours later….
When a man loves a sandwich:
For my bridal shower a while back, a friend got me a gift certificate to Journelle, a high-end lingerie shop that sells incredibly sexy pieces. Think this:
Last night I realized I still hadn’t used the gift card, so needless to say Eric was excited to hop onto the website with me and peruse their merchandise.
I bought these:
They say in a marriage it’s important to discuss finances and be on the same page. Financials are not my forte, so we try to have a meaningful discussion at least once a week. Tonight’s:
Me: “I feel like we’ve been losing money in the stock market lately.”
Eric: “No we haven’t.”
Me: “Oh ok.”
And then I went back to eating bacon and scrolling Facebook.
Our honeymoon to South Africa and The Seychelles is next week…
Eric: “We have to go on this Anse Trail hike when we’re in the Seychelles. It leads to Anse Major, which is this beautiful, remote beach. Once in a lifetime experience. Totally secluded.”
Me: “So there’s no toilet?”