Colleague (referring to the fact that no parents showed up to our Parent Engagement Night): “At least it gave you some time to finish report cards!”
Me (rolling my eyes): “Oh, please. We finished those last week. Mentally, I’m already in Israel.”
Colleague: <completely and utterly unamused>
Probably because he’s my boss.
Later today I will be squished in the backseat of a small car with my brother and likely-to-be-cranky baby nephew for what I’m sure will be at least a 7-hour drive down to Maryland.
Luckily, I have some Ambien.
To crush up and put in the baby’s bottle.
#aunthood
…I’m a clue in a crossword!!!!!
#madeit #fame
Me: “Why does the last month of school drag on foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr?!?!?!?”
And then, at some point between my trips to Israel, Michigan, and the Outer Banks this summer, someone punches me in the face.
Because I deserve it.
I completely, 100% understand why, in the wake of the Charleston shootings, gun enthusiasts don’t want to talk about gun control.
I don’t like to talk about things when I’m wrong, either.
“This is just like The O.C.! But in Texas. With less money.”
— my co teacher, watching TV series Friday Night Lights for the first time
#texasforever
A 3rd grader pops her head into our classroom and I happen to be standing by the door while my co teacher is at the front of the room.
Kid: “Miss Emily, I have a compliment to say.”
Me: “Oh, great! I love compliments. Go for it!”
Kid: “Can you please tell your co-teacher she looks VERY pretty today?”
Me: “Well that’s sweet! I’ll pass that message right along!”
Jerk.
That moment when you’re reading a super awkward part in the class read-aloud about a boy and a girl at a middle school dance, and a kid calls out “Woo– nice flirting!”
So you just throw the book down, get up and leave.
Because you’re laughing so hard you’re crying.
Kid (complaining): “Why is my photo on the classroom door in black and white and everyone else’s is in color?”
Me: “Because you missed the entire first week of school when we took the photos, so we had to print yours on the classroom printer instead of CVS. Remember that? When you missed the whole first week, because mom thought it was more important for you to be on vacation than to be in school learning? And you came back and had no idea what to do, and we had to take the time to re-explain every single thing you missed?”
Kid (head down): “Yeah…”
As a child, I missed the entire first week of school every single year, K through 8th grade, to vacation with my family in the Outer Banks.
It was fucking awesome.
Yesterday was “twin day” at school, so my coteacher and I coordinated clothing.
Parent: “You two look so adorable in your outfits! You look like little school-aged girls!”
I wear this outfit once a week.
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