All posts by Emily
He Wanted Me To Have It
That moment when you snatch a stuffed animal right out of a baby’s hand so that you can use it as a pillow during your long car ride.
#aunthood
She IS Beautiful
“Oh such a pretty girl. Such a gorgeous girl. What a beautiful girl.”
— My grandma, over and over, while meeting her great grandchild for the first time today.
He’s a boy.
We went with it, though.
#FathersDay
Father’s Day is about appreciating everything our dads do for us.
So on this Father’s Day, we’re letting Dad take and treat 9 of us to brunch.
And we’ll appreciate it.
Uncle Zack: Role Model
Zack: “Dude. I haven’t showered since…”
(Long pause. Literally a 30-second, dead silent pause while he tries to figure it out)
Zack: “I don’t even know.”
Sip N See
The whole family came home to Maryland this weekend so my parents could throw a “Sip N See” for their friends.
What the hell is a Sip N See, you ask?
See my edited version of invitation below.
Best Guy I’ve Ever Slept With
Apparently, when the whole family goes home to Maryland for the weekend, aunthood comes with a roommate.
Ok, fine. Secretly I’m thrilled.
But this shit is NOT happening on family vacay in the Outer Banks.
Just Based On Your Looks
Kid: “Some people who believe in reincarnation make predictions about what a person will be in her next life, based on the animal she currently resembles.”
Me: “Interesting. So what will I be in my next life?”
Kid: “Hmmm…I’m thinking something in the feline family. Perhaps a siberian cat.”
Me: “What?!”
Kid: “Well, no, I mean…just based on your looks.”
Me: “Yeah no, I got that.”
Kid (shrugging): “Well, sorry. But it’s true. Based on personality would be a totally different animal though. But I’m not sure right now. Give me the weekend, I’ll think about it and let you know on Monday.”
Great. Can’t fucking wait.
They Noticed
So yesterday this happened and I was just kind of hoping the students forgot about it (as I like to think kids do when something extremely uncomfortable occurs). I convinced myself that the moment was much more awkward and memorable for me than it was for them, and that they probably didn’t even notice.
Yeah, well. They did.
Today we started writing an end-of-year school newspaper. Here’s what one kid is contributing to the Comics section (work still in progress). I’ve translated the kid’s writing in pink, in case you can’t read it.
So I think the moral here is, even 10-year-olds notice when you act like an awkward buffoon.
This is sure to do wonders for my social anxiety.
Hopefully More Faithful to Women Than You Are to Spelling
You wrote three traits. The first should be one word. The second is misspelled.
Not your best sell, Boris.
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